..::: Josh's Reality :::... v.1.2

2003-03-30T18:08:00.000-06:00

2000 HITS Thanks for everyone who reads!

2003-03-30T18:03:00.000-06:00

There are somedays where your mind travels to places that leave you less than complacement and you begin to feel like you have alot to change. Today is defintely one of those days. I feel like my whole world is slowly trying to reshape itself and I am not sure in which form its taken. I feel that I have fallen so far from where I used to be. I feel that I have given up so much of who I am without looking back twice. I feel that I have conceded my soul to the devil and laughed afterward. I used to hear this sweet slow music playing through my head that would propel me through any turbulant situation. I used to sit back with ease and shrug off the mondane with nothing less than a smile or sweet word. Now troubled heavy metal blasts through full stacks in my head. My psychomatic responses are overwhelemd with the inevitables. Playing this up is the memory of what I should of done. I have recently found that in life it seems right now that everything is a "shoulda coulda" situation. I always should of done something differently. I always coulda changed that one thing to make it all right but I didnt! FUCK! I am just tired of feeling perpetually frustrated with my life. I am not sure if I am looking to hard at the things that are bothering me, or I am setting false expectations for myself. Maybe I am not as great as my ideal self. Maybe my ego isn't working properly. My id is running rampent and my super ego is complaining about it later. Who the fuck knows!

2003-03-26T22:53:00.000-06:00

Anger! Frustration! Pure Rage! Blindness begins to feel my hands and eyes! Rage begins to pour through me like its been injected with a sterile needle. Funny though I am not the only person who feels this such emotion, yet I am the only one willing to express it.

"The world needs anger. The world often continues to allow evil because it isn't angry enough."
-Bede Jarrett

It seems that in a time filled with such extrememist first admendment following that people would actually excercize thier right to speak out. It seems that all my life I am more than willing to speak how I feel on a certain topic or about a certain person. Not in a childish gossip way but in a straightfoward in your face manner. It seems though that I am the only one willing to do this and it alianates me. It leaves me high and dry with all the fingers pointing at me calling me the jackass. It seems that no one is willing to say what they feel instead they just act chummy and hang on for the ride. Fuck all the fake smiles and skin deep gestures. I am real! Whether that makes me a Real Jerk! A real person whatever, I don't care. I Am going to be honest 100% of the time, maybe once in awhile everyone should try it. I think I am going to end this and goto bed! It seems that my frustration might lead to far where I might say something I will regret

2003-03-19T23:57:00.000-06:00

I sit anxiously on my couch waiting to find out what the future of my fellow Americans will be. I sit anxiously wondering what atrocities will be avenged and I wonder how long it will take to return that nation to a humanitarian refugee. Then I slowly begin to wonder if its all worth it. I think that in this situation because of the threats and because of the retorts that war was inevitable. I don't think we should keep from war because of the innocent people in Iraq. War is a horrible hell, and people die, but innocent people in America have been killed in the past, and I strongly believe without action many more would perish as well. As my small isolated life is being inudated with stories of torture and horror from a rogue nation, I wonder what will be the cause of all this war. President Bush flashes on my Tv screen, and as I feel like I am in a 1984 twilight zone, Big brother begins the 2 minute hate, where I have a mix of emotions. President Bush though makes our actions sound so heroic, we are not bombing and killing we are disarming. THANK GOD! I would hate to think that we were going to war, but as long as we are just disarming.
I want to address all you anti-war people. I was talking to a friend tonight and he saw on t.v a journalist who gave the analogy that anti-war protestors were looking for the smoking gun, logically meaning we had been shot. Do we not have the justifiable right to invade because the gun is being pointed at us. Is it not enough to be threatened. This is for gods sake the safety of your friends, family, husbands, wifes. People are either going to die now in this offensive or they are going to die in terrorist holocausts. You can choose if you want to end this now, or endure it for the rest of your lifetime.
I am filled with so many emotions, because it feels like Saddam is making a game out of this. Saying that he "honestly tried to call for peace", then going further to raise fury in America by filling our heads with doubts about the difficulty it will be to take over his nation. Many people think that its going to be an overnight victory. I just get this picture of Vietnam where we go in confident, and return severly wounded and hurt. I just hope that all our soldiers out there return home, and that we all remember that people are dieing, and that life is a very valuable thing. War is Hell, now it is time to abandon all ye hope, People are dead, dieing, and on thier way. Such a rogue power can't be changed overnight. Such an evil can't be reversed when millions are willing to bleed and hand over thier soul for Iraq. All I have to say is War is Freedom! War is Slavery! Peace is Ignorance! Death is inevitable! Grim but true!

2003-03-16T21:10:00.000-06:00

frus·tra·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fr-strshn)
n.
The act of frustrating or an instance of being frustrated.
The state of being frustrated.
Something that serves to frustrate.

FUCK! It seems like everything the past two days has wieghed heavily on my nerves. It seems that maybe I am being oversensitive to certain things or maybe things are just fucked up right now. I am at a point now where I just want to run up to a wall and kick the living shit out of it. I want to lay my head in my pillow until my lungs begin to ache, and my throat begin to burn. All of my friends are contributing, and so is my family. Given certain circumstances I find myself being the sole blame for many situations that I was only being a "reaction" to an "action". I will never avoid blame, because I feel that no matter what you have partial responsibility. It seems though I have this wonderful ability to collect COMPLETE responsiblity for things.
I am also getting really tired of this stigma that it seems my personality gives off. Everyone always assusmes I am a bad kid, and that I am going to corrupt other people. Or because of certain things that I am not someone to be trusted. Parents seem to think that I am a blackhole of trouble, and even in some cases that I am rivaling the devil for evil.. I find this laughable considering I don't drink, do drugs, or persuade my friends to do anything they don't want to. If they choose to do things its because they chose to do them.

ap·a·thy ( P ) Pronunciation Key (p-th)
n.
Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference.
Lack of emotion or feeling; impassiveness.

This is kind of sad for me. The past few months I have slowly pulled myself out of this dismal purgatory. It used to be that I lived my life apathetically. I didn't care and I didn't feel. Nothing mattered to me because I wouldn't let it. I was fine going through life letting everything roll of my back and closing my eyes to things when I had to. When I met some certain people I slowly started to realize that everything wasn't supposed to be like that. I realized how good it was to feel and care, but now with all this frustration, I find myself looking guiltiliy back at apathy. Not because at this moment I don't feel, but because I have this inherent fear that in the future the hurt will come back and I want to be ready for it. I'm scared because I don't want to go down that path again. I just hope I can keep that reason I came out long enough to keep me from retreating back to the darkness of nothingness.

2003-03-04T13:07:00.000-06:00

This is going to be a ramble or sort, but please bare with me as I purge my aggressions and thoughts. For the longest time, I have been interested in the world of computer security and what I like to call, " Freedom of information". Let me state ahead of time I do feel that it is unethical and unlawful to use a computer in a malicious manner or in a way that isn't for the freedom of knowlege. Computers in my opinion are giant libraries that everyone should tap into. There are the occasional readers who know how to walk down the isles and use librarians ( Search engines) to find what they want. Then on the other end of the spectrum there are the elite researchers who know the ins and the outs and can find anything they want. Only catch is on the internet library, there are some parts where barriers exist. Sometimes you have to slip by the barriers to further your advancement of knowledge. The government though for the past decade has made it a crusade of a sort to find and track down these "researchers". Huge government committes have been enrolled to sit and spend countless hours tracking why they call cyber terrorists. Now this is all fine and dandy if they want to pass legislation and judicary hearings about the use of computers in malacious ways. Recently though while browsing Cnn.Com I came across a story about how the government has hired a few computer security experts, hackers, to infiltrate Iraqian computers and shut down all communications and basically stop any sort of computer usage. Now I understand that in times of war certain things will benefit the nation. My only concern is that the government always seems to outstep the boundaries of the law. It seems that civilians are repressed, why the government uses its power to achieve whatever it wants. Murder for you and I, no matter the circumstance is unlawful. If I am in a disagreement and kill another it means instanltly consequences will follow. Not the government though, oh no, no matter what the situation killing is not a problem. If an altercation arises and we murder 5,000 men from another country its lawful. If we break into computer systems its lawful. I am just tired of the double standard that is being set. At no point in the constitution did I read, " Government feel free to do whatever the hell you want to.. The rules don't apply to you". It seems that as a nation and as individual citizens we need to inspect the roles the government has taken in the past and in the present to outstep the boundaries of the law they set for our nations.

2003-02-27T13:22:00.000-06:00

Original Post :
I've come to the conclusion that I need to keep my mouth shut 24/7.

I'm either too sensitive, too nice, too stupid, too mean, too overprotective, too overreactive, etc. I never seem to find a happy medium. For those of you that I snapped at on Saturday night: I'm sorry. I was grouchy, and I could have phrased my words a little better.

It was brought to my attention last night that everything I say will in one way or another upset somebody. I say something about someone and they either laugh or bite my head off. Someone says something about me and I either laugh or bite their head off. I can't vent to anyone because they they'll make me feel worse. No one understands the way I think and the problems I face. Oh, but I forgot; those are just petty and don't fit into the real world.

You know what?

I quit.

Response:
In seems that quiting would be an easy answer. None of this is ment to be a personal attack, but this is rather just food for thought. It seems that quiting would be much easier then trying to improve on how you communicate with those select few people. If your entire rest of your life you constantly quit because you can't seem to find that "happy medium", then you are going to wake up alone one day and relize the only thing you have to look forward to is a quick death. I understand that you think you have unique problems and that your life is in some way something out of the ordinary, and for that matter you may be right. I can also gurantee you that alot of us are going through far worse things if not the same. Yet somehow we seem to find this happy medium. Maybe you should sit down and figure out that happiness is not a destination but rather a road you travel on. So instead of quiting the search for Happyville, why don't you look down and realize your on happy lane. As corny as that analogy is, you bring alot of this upon your self. If you relized you are in a friendship group with a bunch of smart allyic cynics then you should learn not to take offense to mild jokes. I also think that sometimes you act hipocritical in a sense that we aren't allowed to toss jest in your direction yet you are the first to bring about such jokes. I dunno, this whole thing is a ramble, but all I am trying to say is don't try to make this into more than it is. You say in your blog that you are going to quit being oversensitive, well why didn't you start when you started to type it out. We are all your friends, no one is out to get you. Just chill out and enjoy life!

2003-02-27T13:07:00.000-06:00

In Response to the sound of Music: ( Double T Blog):

" Blue Jean baby, L.A Lady, seamestress for the band".

Music in its rawest form is an escape from everyday nauseum, and Tommy I have to agree with you completely when you speak of this mental music. For some people its a place to escape nonsense and rubbish. For others its where they draw thier concentration from. I parallel it to a cave of a sort where they can explore to void out all other distractions. For me though its an all encompassing part of my life. No matter what situation occurs, I know that soon after the music will come. I don't have much else to add, because Tommy did a great job explaining it, but its obvious music has something for everyone, in the fact that its lasted for hundreds of years. Every person has atleast one particular fondness for a genre of music. One other interesting fact is you can tell alot about a person by the music they choose. Whether they are generally rounded and well diversified, or eclectic, or if they are angry and what kind of emotions they have on a general basis. Thats all folks! Until Next time! ROCK OUT!

The Original Post from Tommy:
“I waited till I saw the sun
I don't know why I didn't come
I left you by the house of fun
I don't know why I didn't come...
I don't know why I didn't come...”

It is funny how after an awards program like the Grammies the same song seems to be playing in everyone’s mind. A sort of perpetual drumbeat that drives everyone on in life for just one day. Then with the dawn of another day it is gone, a “flash in the pan” so to speak. But it is odd that for just one day the same thing seems to be on the mind of so many people. You walk down the hall and you hear the song, and have to actually look and see if it is just you singing it in your mind, or if someone else has actually joined you in your mental symphony.
But for some of us, that is a way of life. I know several people, myself included, that constantly have something playing over their mental speakers. A certain song that compliments, defines, or directs their mood and sense of purpose for the day. It is different for each of us, and it seems to say a lot about what we are as people and characters.

“and Ill be waiting, with a gun and a pack of sandwiches”
("Talk show host", Radiohead)

Chetan, for instance, has been playing something from either “Radiohead” or “Smashing Pumpkins”. The beauty of these bands is that they refuse to let themselves be defined as a certain type of music. With tempos and beats ranging from “head banging” fast to “second hand of the clock” slow they manage to cover a vast area of the musical spectrum, and one could find a song from them that would suit any mood or atmosphere. Pretty versatile stuff.

“And I guess that's why
They call it the blues
Time on my hands
Could be time spent with you
Laughing like children”
("That's why they call it the blues", Elton John)

Alan, on the other hand, can be found humming the occasional Elton John love song. And while I think that it is usually a joke, it is pretty funny. Alan has the gift of being an “Olympic whistler”, that is he can whistle pretty well. On the vast majority of the days on can catch Alan whistling anything from “zipedy do da” to “Your Song”. His whistling usually finds a way of becoming a sort of advertising, in the sense that if Josh hears it he usually joins in with the festivities and they take off into an acapella of sappy love songs.

“I can find my way, I can go the distance”
(Hurcules CRAP)

Lets see, Josh sings show tunes and old Disney movie theme songs. And whenever Chetan is around one can hear the occasional “Lilo and Stitch” remark, which is usually followed by a punch to the face. Josh, like me, has a wide range of stuff playing on his mental radio, anything from 3 doors down to James Taylor. But that is an occupational hazard, so to speak. Josh and I both play guitar, so the song that we are listening to is usually the song that we are trying to work on mastering on the guitar. This side effect has people like us constantly listening to something.

“When I saw the break of day
I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand”

Tonight I am broadcasting Norah Jones’s “Don’t know why”. I don’t usually listen to this person, and to be honest I had never heard of her until a couple of days ago, but I think that her song is catchy. Usually Id be listening to something more along the lines of 3 Doors Down, Nickel Back, Something Corporate, or Filter. I have a far-reaching appreciation for music. I like everything from rock to alternative, pop to punk, rap to jazz. In fact I like everything that isn’t country. And I mean that. I am not one of those people who says that they like everything, yet limit what they listen to to a small list. Check any one of my CD’s that I burn and you will find that they start out fast, change into something a little mellowed down, and then end with something along the lines of jazz or old songs.

“Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road alone”

All in all, everyone has something stuck in his or her head at one point or another. I guess what makes us unique is what we do with these tunes. You can play like Chetan and turn them up to tune out other people’s crap. You can let it define your mood for the day, instantly resolving yourself to play to the tune of what is playing in your head. Or you can even channel surf as you pass from one school period to the other. So many choices.

“Something has to make you run
I don't know why I didn't come
I feel as empty as a drum
I don't why I didn't come”

As for me, my mental song has made me tired. And so with the end of that tune, comes the end to another ramble and another day. Take care all, and have a happy snow day tomorrow.

2003-02-27T13:00:00.000-06:00

Human Cloning: Should it be banned or Not
For the Second Meeting of the Senate Human cloning has become quite a large issue. It seems that the nation is split between a relatively conservative christian majority, and a smaller progressive minority. Although my opinions are very biased, based mostly upon my spiritual background, I feel this issue is a dead one. Human cloning is something that could aide the world in the future. I am not even talking about making genetically superior human's that can create an elite subclass. No I am talking about the cloning of human organs and the cloning of cells to aide in medical purposes. Millions upon millions of people die everyday because of heart or lung failures. Such advancements in science could lead to a prolonged life of disabled or chronically ill persons. In the last year alone over a million children died of various illnesses that might be able to be cured because of the advancement of the the understanding of the human genome. Sadly enough though our wonderful representetives would like to lead us to believe it is immoral to kill a "living, highly debateable, entity no matter what its use is for. I quote from Cnn.Com one representetive that said, The opponents believe once a cell -- even if it's a cheek cell _ divides in a petri dish, it's a human being," said Rep. James Greenwood, R-Pennsylvania. I know that in my limited number of years in existance I sometimes don't see things quite as I should. I do though find this above quote propostrous and almost insulting. Its hard to believe that any one person could fathom in thier mind that saving a "cheek cell" is more valuable than a 7 year old child. I want that one man to go down to a hospital and tell a cancer pacient that thier life won't be saved because they don't want to hurt a cheek cell. I want him to see the look in the boy's eyes when he explains that for the next 100 years people are going to suffer like he is because of one god damn cell. This example might be sort of extreme, but in situations like this, Is it not extreme? I don't have much else to say but come on people. We aren't committing some sort of genome genocide, we are trying to rid the nation and the extended world of diseases and problems that have plauged us throughout history. Put yourself in the shoes of that 7 year old kid, and imagine how you would feel hearing that news.

2003-01-17T00:06:00.000-06:00

Funny Quotes of the day:
iRiShCasaNova214: well man I am off to go make me some raviolli
MasterPete007: have fun
iRiShCasaNova214: yep
iRiShCasaNova214: later man
MasterPete007: and a word of advice
iRiShCasaNova214: ?
MasterPete007: if u get burned by the stove/microwave or anything hot
MasterPete007: and that pisses u off
MasterPete007: do not attempt to brain print the hot object
MasterPete007: unless that too is rhino-lined

2003-01-12T22:19:00.000-06:00

Well folks I wanted to take a stab at writing a song. It seems that everyone else in the blog community was doing it, so I thought I would give it a stab.
*******************************************************
*******************************************************
I now present to you... Losing Time!

Its 12:00 and exactly noon,
You called me at work and said you wanted to come home soon.
I said I was busy and you would need to find another way,
You said I promised and that this wasn't ok.
I laughed at you and hung up the phone,
I gathered my stuff and headed home.

Its 3:30 and little passed noon,
you were waiting by the bus cuz it was coming soon.
I saw you sitting there and knew youd be ok,
So I drove away quickly to end my day

About 7:30 and way past noon,
I knew I'd here the door, youd be coming home soon.
I was waiting up to tell you about my day,
I was in a fret and half dismayed.

Three hours later and not a sound,
I walked around the house and you weren't to be found.
I got worried and started to phone,
This was the first time you hadn't come home

As I walked to the door I saw your letter,
You said you had left in search for better.
You didn't need me, You didn't need my life,
That you were no longer gonna be my wife.

It's three years later and still I can't settle down,
for your my wife and you can't be found.
The minute I read your letter,
I knew that I could of made our lives a lil better

I hope one day I will find a way,
to show you how much I want to change.
I want to tell you how much I care,
I want to hear your footsteps coming up our stair.

Its 12:00 exactly noon,
three years later and not to soon
You rang my phone and said you wanted talk,
I was ready to crawl for you and didn't want to walk.

You said wait a second I want you to know,
I found another man in Idaho.
He tells me how much he loves me,
Two seconds later I'm his bride to be

I just wanted to let you know,
All you had to do was kind of let it show.
I asked you what you meant by that,
and you laughed and said you didn't have time to chat.

You just wanted to let me know your happy,
and not to worry because she wasn't going to make it sappy.
If only I had picked her up from the bus stop,
maybe my life wouldn't have been quite a flop

If only I known how to treat her right,
I wouldn't be losing this fight.
If only I would of said sorry and I love you,
She would be at home and not out with you.
******************************************************************************
******************************************************************************

2003-01-12T11:43:00.000-06:00

Song of the day: Randy Travis - Three Wooden Crosses

A farmer and a teacher, a hooker and a preacher,
Ridin' on a midnight bus bound for Mexico.
One's headed for vacation, one for higher education,
And two of them were searchin' for lost souls.
That driver never ever saw the stop sign.
An' eighteen wheelers can't stop on a dime.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

That farmer left a harvest, a home and eighty acres,
The faith an' love for growin' things in his young son's heart.
An' that teacher left her wisdom in the minds of lots of children:
Did her best to give 'em all a better start.
An' that preacher whispered: "Can't you see the Promised Land?"
As he laid his blood-stained bible in that hooker's hand.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, Heaven only knows.
I guess it's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

That's the story that our preacher told last Sunday.
As he held that blood-stained bible up,
For all of us to see.
He said: "Bless the farmer, and the teacher, an' the preacher;
"Who gave this Bible to my mamma,
"Who read it to me."

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway,
Why there's not four of them, now I guess we know.
It's not what you take when you leave this world behind you,
It's what you leave behind you when you go.

There are three wooden crosses on the right side of the highway

2003-01-06T00:12:00.000-06:00

Quote of the day:
"To fall in love is easy, even to remain in it is not difficult; our human loneliness is cause enough. But it is a hard quest worth making to find a comrade through whose steady presence one becomes steadily the person one desires to be."
-Anna Louise Strong

Today is the last real day before the break is over! How scary is that!? Its hard to imagine that the sound of bells and screeching teachers will be embracing our once relaxed ears. Whats even harder to imagine is that I will be hearing the tone of a different bell then my friends. I was at one point really sad that I was having to spread my wings and take flight to a new place, but now I am kind of excited. This is my chance to turn things around and get everything straightened up so I can goto college. Wow what an amazing act that will be.
Tonight we all hung out togethor and watched pulp fiction. After a seemingly crazy weekend it was nice to take a relaxed sobatical from our routine weekend mayhem. Not only that but what better than to watch a wonderful movie about swearing, death, violence, and gang mentality. YAYYY! It was pretty bad ass to say the least.
The last part of this entry that will probably be pretty short I want to just touch on a few things. As all of you know there is a new littlefoot in my life and I think she is actually having a good effect on me. I find that I am striving to be a better person now. I thought the above quote fit beautifully because we haven't known each other long enough to be in love, or to even feel the prescence of love. Yes I like her alot but I think we can both agree love is something not in the vocabulary yet. What I find most satisfying is that as a friend, and as a "comrade" I do find myself striving to be a better person while in and not in her prescense. Its quite a new experience and I have to say I am enjoying it. With that being said, I know there isn't much else to say. Just wanted to share with the rest of you how lucky I am.
Oh and to all the guys don't worry, You aren't going to loose a crazy ass. I think she has come to grips with the fact that I am a crazy ass.... lol :)

BEWARE MRS. CHAPMAN : YOU WILL SEE ME SOON SPORTING A VISOTORS BADGE CARRYING MY TIN FOIL TO YOUR BOX! MUHAHAHAHAHA!

2003-01-03T04:49:00.000-06:00

I have posted alot today, but I guess there is room for another. Here it is 4:45 a.m and I have yet to find comfort in sleep. Don't get me wrong I have tried but to no previal. Right now for various reasons I am at a point where I just want to rear my head back and yell at the top of my lungs. Not a frightened or angry yell, but just one to purge all of me emotions and agressions in one fail swoop. There isn't one thing that I am frustrated at, there isn't one thing I am outwardly mad at, its just a compelation of so many things that are making me want to howl at the moon. Its funny how the littlest things in the end are the ones that make you that maddest. I am not frustrated at the huge tragic events that are occuring in my life, I am most frustrated about the tiny mundane ones that I had/ or didn't have control over. Damn those little things I shouldn't even stress about, damn those little things I shouldn't even think about, damn those little things that make me bottle and fester my emotions up. I have always been a champion of honesty. I have always preached that absolute knowledge is the way to go. As I stand here on my soap box now I laugh at it and say damn that. Ignorance is bliss, for you feel no pain nor anger. So for all that honesty I have ever heard or preached about : tonight at 4:45 in the morning I give you the proverbial finger, for its your honest that has driven me to such insomnia. Hope the rest of you are sleeping well.

2003-01-03T04:43:00.000-06:00

Quote of the day:
"Everyone seems to be a song writer, a poet, an artist, all these are great things, but who out of them actually tells the truth. A song, a poem, a painting only masks what is real. Don't hide behind the beauty, embrace the horrible truth. It is in that terrible place we find true comfort ."

2003-01-03T03:23:00.000-06:00

Song of the day Goo Goo Dolls - Sympathy

Stranger than your sympathy
And this is my apology
I killed myself from the inside out
And all my fears have pushed you out

And I wished for things that I don't need
(All I wanted)
And what I chased won't set me free
(All I wanted)
And I get scared but I'm not crawlin' on my knees

Oh, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Everything's all wrong, yeah
Where the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
Take these things, so I don't feel
I'm killing myself from the inside out
And now my head's been filled with doubt

We're taught to lead the life you choose
(All I wanted)
You know your love's run out on you
(All I wanted)
And you can't see when all your dreams aren't coming true

Oh, yeah
It's easy to forget, yeah
When you choke on the regrets, yeah
Who the hell did I think I was?

And stranger than your sympathy
And all these thoughts you stole from me
And I'm not sure where I belong
And no where's home and no more wrong

And I was in love with things I tried to make you believe I was
And I wouldn't be the one to kneel before the dreams I wanted
And all the dark and all the lies were all the empty things disguised as me

Mmm, yeah
Stranger than your sympathy
Stranger than your sympathy
Mmm hmmm mmm

2003-01-03T03:03:00.000-06:00

Funny Quote:
MasterPete007: damn i am tired, i just wanna settle down in bed and eat me a kangaroo burger

2003-01-03T03:02:00.000-06:00

Well this might be a ramble of sort, but I think its an important topic to think about an discuss. Tonight after romping through deserted streets at highspeeds and navigating tight turns, I came home and thought if it was all really worth it. What if by chance, by susprise, something happened and I killed myself or the passenger in the car. What if by chance my entire life was changed because of a stupid 10 mph over what I should of been doing. I sat back and shook my head in disbelief, wondering was this a topic I really wanted to think about, reflect on. I wondered if all the crazy moments was worth it. All the fire, speed, explosion, testosterome came to my mind and I wondered if I was just asking for something tragic to happen. Was I counting my days?
Pictures, events, flashed through my head like a nightmareish slideshow as I pictured the worse of each event. Like all of us probably have had in our past there are things we look and and wonder what could of happened. I know that I have 3 incidents in particular where one wrong move, one more foot, could of resulted in my death and the death of a very close friend, and all for what, that momentary thrill. Would that 10 seconds of speed rushing across my car, or air under my feet, really be worth the changing of my entire life. Maybe.....
I sat back again and took a look at it from both sides. In life you really have two roads you can choose to go down:
1) A conservative road where you watch what you say, and watch how fast you go, and wonder if the next move might be your last. A life where everything you do is followed with a fear of whats to come.
2) A life that is lived, one not where you take outlandish risks but one where you take calculated risks to elevate life to its fullest. In life there are no guarentees except that you might die. If you know you are going to die, why should you fear death. Embrace life, embrace chance, and live.
Obviously my thoughts are biased towards the second choice. Ever since my surgery, when I was told I might not make it out alive, or if I do I will probably be paralizedl I have adopted a very relaxed view on life. I used to be all about the A+ report card and minding your p's and q's but I realized that may not be what life is all about. I am not saying that you should do drugs and have sex everynight, but what I am saying is that you should elevate life to its fullest potential before its taken from you.
So in otherwords for all you who have read through this ramble my decision is that : That extra 10 mph, that extra push of the gas pedal or crazy turn, is worth ever single bit of it. I am only going to live this lifetime once, and I want to make sure that I am here living it to the fullest. So that on my grave it doesn't say RIP, it says Lived in Motion, Died in Glory, may sound corny but to all you people out there who aren't willing to repel off a water tower, or jump from moving cars, I just have to leave you with one last thing : I'm living life, your not, I'll die free, you'll die in chains!

2003-01-02T17:18:00.000-06:00

Roll the Heads

In the societies of yesteryear, the king ruled supreme. The saying that "heads will roll" was no idle comment but a probability which struck fear in the hearts of the people. When Henry VIII of England said "heads will roll," roll they did! Whenever and wherever the king was displeased, the shockwaves of his fury would reverberate throughout the dynasty, and the poor citizen would shudder in fear. The king was almighty; and people, at best, were humble servants of the king. The king's word was law; his word was justice; he was the absolute ruler; all property was his to control; all people were his to control. The king was the government, and there was no such thing as individual freedom for people. Even the democracy of Athens and the Roman Empire, which were what we call representative governments, were based upon the principle that government is almighty and man's right to live or die is decided by the state.

In days of old, governments were always first and the people second. Then, along came the United States of America and things were different. Man was to enjoy freedom, of which we still have 57 per cent.

In other societies, people such as you and I were absorbed by the state. It was as if the government was God on earth. Governments were at the top and people were the servants of government. But when the United States of America was formed, a dramatic thing happened. In terms of setting up a country, our forefathers did a complete flip-flop. While every other country had government first and people second, the United States was founded in reverse people first and government second as servant of the people. How dramatic that was -a bold, new principle - people first and government second. The people were to be at the top rung of the ladder and the government at the bottom. People were to be free to enjoy life; people were to be f ree to do their own thing in any way that was peaceful; and the government would serve all men, preserve the freedom of all men through law and through order, through justice and through the punishment of criminals. This was a fantastic achievement in the history of mankind -and still is! The miracle of America is man's precious individual freedom.

Freedom with Responsibility
Of course, with freedom comes responsibility. If man is to enjoy the blessings of freedom on the top rung of the ladder, then he also has to be responsible -responsible for his own welfare, for his own housing, for his own security, for his own employment, responsible for his own existence and for his own happiness. That was and always is the price of freedom. If man is to enjoy freedom, and the spirit of freedom to do his own thing, then he must also bear the burden of responsibility for the consequences of his actions. Man, enjoying the fresh, brisk breezes of freedom, must also be the master of his own fate and destiny. Rich or poor, good or bad, the fortunes of success or the consequences of failure, to enjoy freedom is to accept responsibility. This was the foundation upon which the United States was built: free and self-responsible men at the top rung of the ladder and government second as the keeper of the peace.

America Is Changing
Now, little by little, America is changing. Men began to abdicate their individual responsibility and they turned to "benevolent" government. Housing is now a function of government; education is now a function of government; Medicare is now a function of government; Social Security is a function of government; so is banking, transportation, electricity, water, busing, farming, prices and wages, employment and nonemployment. The war on poverty is now a function of government. And so it goes; man, in his abdication of responsibility, has yielded to government -and the rungs of the ladder are no longer clearly defined. Where once the man of America stood proudly at the top and government was a far removed and far-distant second, they now crowd together on the ladder: individual freedom and self-responsibility - 57 per cent; government responsibility and government control - 43 per cent, and rising. America is shifting priorities so that the government will be on top and people second calling to mind the divine right of kings of yesteryear, the Russia and Red China of today, where, in fact, "heads still roll."

To abdicate responsibility, to seek welfare from government, is to give up in exchange man's precious freedom because the two are interrelated. To obtain housing from the government is to place housing in control of government. To obtain education from government is to put government in control of education. The price of welfare from government is control by government -and control is the opposite of the freedom that was the miracle of America.

For man to enjoy his rightful place at the top of Nature's ladder in the sunshine of human dignity, he must first accept his responsibility and thereby keep government beneath him as his servant. The divine right of kings and governments is the principle of yesteryear. Now is the time for dramatic reaffirmation of mankind's greatest discovery: man's right to life, man's right to the pursuit of happiness, and man's right to liberty. Otherwise, "heads will roll."

2003-01-01T14:06:00.000-06:00

1000 HITS TODAY
Thank you everyone for continuing to visit Josh's rEaLiTy

Quote of the Day:
"A relationship is like a rose, How long it lasts, no one knows; Love can erase an awful past, Love can be yours, you'll see at last; To feel that love, it makes you sigh, To have it leave, you'd rather die; You hope you've found that special rose, 'Cause you love and care for the one you chose."
-Rob Cella

Happy New Years to everyone! It is now 2003! I have to say that last night was a great way to end the year. It was full of good company and lots of laughs, especially after 4:00 a.m. There is something though that was much more important to me that happened last night that I think will be hard to find words for but I will try my hardest. A certain someone accompained me to the party, and it really made the night. I hadn't got a chance to really hang out with her that long much less get cuddle with her through the night. As the hours flew by I felt like I was a very lucky guy. Thanks Raech for being such a great girl! Well I am exhausted and I am pretty sure that if I tried to write more I would probably start a Ben Ramble. So basically to sum it all up, Raech your amazing!, oh and that I am looking forward to the year to come to see what it holds in store...

HAPPY NEW YEAR

New Year's Resolution: To do, not try. To many times in my life and I am sure in many others, people commit to trying to be a better person, or try to loose weight. I am no longer going to try, I am going to do. So this resolution means that I am going to BE the best person that I can be and share it with everyone that I can. Trying is for those who might fail, doing is for those who know that they succeed either way.

Public Announcement: Never sleep next to Raechel because she steals your covers, takes your pillow, and does other wierd stuff....*wink wink*... hehe just thought I would share that with the world

2002-12-30T01:48:00.000-06:00

Well I have reached a point of boiling, where all the small things have festered for so long and now its beginning to simmer. It's finding an escape and I hope its not one that I will regret. Problem is I have the privalage, for lack of a better word, of being someone people come to vent with. I enjoy being able to help my friends and give advice where I can. I honestly take thier problems as my own because I know that in most cases what affects them affects me. After events tonight I realize maybe something isn't right. Something tragic to me is occuring, or atleast tragic in a sense that its the biggest problem in my life right now in my suburbutopia reality. I tried to confide in a person to let them know how I felt about it, and thought maybe I would recieve some comforting words or some advice but instead, I was blown off. It caught me off guard. Why is it that everyones problems are mine, and my problems are only mine. I am not the kind of person that likes sympathy but you know I would love to be able to vent my problems as well, and have someone comfort me. Guess I was getting to a point where I thought if I came out and stop hiding what was going on inside someone would be there to listen and comfort me, but now I realize that the door isn't ready to be opened yet, and that maybe whats going on inside should be kept inside.

2002-12-28T16:04:00.000-06:00

America: Is or Was?

Liberty, freedom, justice, equality: these are a few of the words often used to define America. but each time I attempt to associate these qualities with "America is" I find myself more inclined to use "America was". America is the sum of its people, its government, and its national character. Our government is the people; we elect it and we are directly responsible for its actions. It is a reflection of our national character or lack of it.

How does one sing praises to a government that, having taxed its citizens to the bearable limit, proceeds to inflate the currency in order to finance its grandiose schemes? How does one applaud a government whose principal function has become the redistribution of the wealth and property of its citizens? How does one extol the virtues of a government which preaches human rights while it condones by its actions the most flagrant violations of human rights all over the world and consistently abrogates the individual rights of its own people? How does one glorify a government which at every turn takes steps to reward slothfulness, indolence, and conformity at the expense of industry, initiative, and creativity? how does one honor a government which places political expediency above the very principles upon which it was founded?

America was great. Today America is less great. Tomorrow America will cease to be great - if it continues its present course. must we forever bungle our way through one unworkable social plan and government edict after another? When will we learn to separate the rational from the absurd; justice from injustice; principle from expediency; the moral from the immoral?

It was not always so. America has risen from an agricultural society of tedious hand labor to a technological monolith of magnificent proportion. it has provided a standard of living for all which was unknown to previous generations. it has accomplished all this by the creative genius of mankind in an atmosphere of freedom and individual responsibility; not by the beneficence of a government whose only legitimate contribution is the protection of individual rights and property. America has proved beyond doubt the efficacy of a system whereby each individual is free to pursue his own goals and enjoy the benefits produced by his own labor, for only freedom is compatible with human nature and man's infinite range of interests and abilities. It alone is conducive to the fulfillment of man's enormous potential.

If America is to remain great it must reaffirm and reestablish the principles upon which it was created. We must restore the "free" in free enterprise and learn again the limitations of government as the founding fathers once knew them. We must understand that liberty and freedom mean the right to pursue one's own goals and the right to earned property without government intervention. Freedom does not mean that we should be free of individual responsibility or free of the necessity of earning our own way. we must understand that justice and equality mean equality before the law without regard for color, creed, or sex. Justice does not mean retribution and unearned privilege or favor. we must no longer subordinate the inalienable rights of all to the whims and wishes of an undeserving few.

America was founded on the principles of freedom, not patronage and subsidy. America was built by the creativity and industry of its people, not by its government. America has endured by the strength and integrity of Americans, not by the will of its leaders. America will continue to flourish only by a rededication to its original ideals, not by hopeless dependence on political solutions. No other nation was ever founded on such a moral base and no other nation ever had such glorious potential. In the civilized world no other people have ever been so uniquely blessed as we.

2002-12-28T16:01:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Bob Dylan - All along the watchtower

There must be some way out of here," said the joker to the thief,
"There's too much confusion, I can't get no relief.
Businessmen, they drink my wine, plowmen dig my earth,
None of them along the line know what any of it is worth."

"No reason to get excited," the thief, he kindly spoke,
"There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke.
But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate,
So let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late."

All along the watchtower, princes kept the view
While all the women came and went, barefoot servants, too.

Outside in the distance a wildcat did growl,
Two riders were approaching, the wind began to howl.

2002-12-28T15:58:00.000-06:00

Well today has been quite a blah day! I woke up this morning at 11:00 and have spent the past 4 hours meandering around the house like a rampent pinball being bounced around. On a very happy note though, I finally after 3 days got my surround sound system hooked up in my room. After so many failed attempts I had to cash in my pride and call a friend. I called my techno-geek guru and within an hour I had full surround sound and a new appreciation for life. It seems like so much is going on in life right now, but the wierd/confusing part is that it hasn't set in yet. I am the kind of person that realizes what is inevitable but doesn't come to the full realization until its already passed, then I sit and scratch my head wondering what the hell just happened. What can you do though right? Worrying won't stop the events from unfolding, my tears of anguish won't slow time, it won't even bend it slightly. I guess the best thing to do is celebrate what you have and what's going on. Easier said then done right?

2002-12-25T02:36:00.000-06:00

Merry Christmas everyone! This is the season that most of us look forward to either for the great presents, food, or time to share love with our family and friends. I know that this year is always special to me because it seems like its the one time of the year the entire family gets togethor and just has a good time. I also know that part of the reason for this season is to thank everyone for things they have done for you in the past and let everyone know how much you care about them. So unlike most blogs where I am complaining our critisizing I wanted to thank each one of my good friends individually:

Tommy - Thanks for everything man, you have been one of the few people who has stuck around through it all and helped me each step of the way. Thanks for being the skinny little bitch brother I always wanted...lol..Seriously though I couldn't be the person I am without you keeping me grounded.

Raechel - I haven't known you for a very long time but I already feel like we've been friends for years. Thanks for always listening and never judging, hope the future is as rewarding as it is right now.

Chetan : You are that hindu brother I always dreamed about. You have been a great friend and I can always count on you to listen to me when I need to vent, and I can also count on you calling me at 10:00 and telling me its time to be a crazy ass. I've got two words for you man. BARK BARK!

Jessica: It's been a crazy year to say the least. I know that me and you haven't always gotten along the best but through and through you have always been someone I know I could turn to when things got rough. You are an amazing girl and I am glad I've gotten to know you. I hope we can move on from whatever differences we met and get to that friendship we both really wanted. Hope you have an especially Merry Christmas

Ben: I couldn't be the crazy ass I am today without you. You have taught me the ways of the blade and fire. You are my yoda of redneck. I can also always count on you for an honest opinion because you don't have much tact when it comes to what you have on your mind. Thanks for being so genuine.

Alan: Damn Man! We's be some crazy bitches, and I couldn't do it without you. I am not sure I would be as crazy as I am without your guidance and constant support..lol... I also like that when shit gets rough we can have these man talks. Its wierd how end of last year I barely knew you and now I feel like I can come to you for anything. Thanks for being a friend

Chris: I know we haven't always gotten along in the past, but I think everythings cool now. It's cool that we can have our own little man talks sometimes. Just remember I've got ears if you ever have something you need to talk about.

Stacey: Well the past few weeks has been alittle rough but in the past you have always been a good friend. You make sure that I always have a smile on my face and you keep me in line when I start acting up. Thanks for being a good friend.

Miranda : Seems like things have been really good and really bad, but in the end I am glad to be able to call you a friend. It's nice to have our little talks about Art and things that most people don't care about. Thanks for being there to listen as well

John: We have had those ups and downs in the 5 years I have known you but you have always been a friend when I needed one. Thanks bro for everything. Hope these last few months we are all friends we can hang out more and see what kind of trouble we can get into.

Derrick: Man It seems like you haven't really hung out with us in the past few months, and thats cool, you are still a true friend. You give some good advice and you've got my back and thats good enough for me. Also the fact that you gave me a Bulging beauties calander makes it all the better. Marry Christmas Man

Kara-Beara : This last one is for you! We never hang out and our relationship mostly consists of the five minutes before class and our online talks but I feel like you are one of the people I can confide in and look to for good advice. You never seem to be too busy to listen to whats going on. Thanks for always being a friend, even when you didn't have to.

Well folks, I just wanted to let each one of you know that ya'll are an important part of my life and that I hope each one of you has a very Merry Xmas! Thanks for being the friends ya'll are!

2002-12-24T01:06:00.000-06:00

Old Proverbs Reach End:

Proverbs have served as common sense guidance for millennia. However, as people are growing to know, there are times when logic flees in the face of hysteria, and the world seems topsy-turvy. This new century is such a time.

A man's home is his castle. Aside from the fact the word "man" is sexist, this used to be true. Not anymore. The Comprehensive Crime Act of 1984 (a good year for its enactment, don't you think? Wierd Coincidence or conspiracy?) has put this old-fashioned notion behind us. The Act allows your house to be seized and confiscated based on "probable cause" you may have engaged in an "illegal activity." No conviction is necessary for this confiscation. Since modern law is so comprehensive and complex, many Americans unknowingly undertake "illegal activities" every day. Remember, ignorance of the law is no excuse. In order to get your castle back, you must hire a lawyer and file suit to prove it was never the scene of (or "used to facilitate") any "illegal activity," whatever that means.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me. This outdated adage is no longer applicable, because, as one New Age "philosopher" has decreed, "words are the same as bullets." Therefore, speaking ill of people is now the moral equivalent of shooting them. So-called "speech codes," such as that being considered by the American Bar Association, provide for severe punishment for prohibited speech.

Two wrongs don't make a right. Modem jurisprudence and legal practice have shown it to be an anachronism. Affirmative action, which mandates present discrimination against one racial (or other) group as a "just remedy" for past discrimination by a different racial (or other) group, is now the law of the land. The fact that the alleged discriminator is long deceased does not enter into the equation. Clearly, under the law, past discrimination is the "fault" of the living.

An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Zealous reformers have obviously discarded this shopworn homily. Several billion pounds of cure are seemingly required to ensure "health care security" for all Americans. Forget the ounce of prevention - it is no longer sufficient.

A stitch in time saves nine. Similar to "an ounce of prevention," and outdated as well.

Charity begins at home. Clearly archaic, as much of the support for "charitable" organizations comes from taxpayer dollars. According to the Urban Institute, "federal support to the nonprofit sector alone amounted to $40.4 billion in 1980." Charities now have huge budgets. In the Atlanta area, for example, nonprofit budgets are "four times larger than the city budget," according to Foundation News. These days, charity begins in walnut-paneled offices with deep plush carpeting and matching social agendas.

It's an ill wind that blows nobody good. There are no such ill winds anymore. Look at Hurricane Andrew. First, the residents of Florida got clobbered by the winds themselves. On top of that, the residents of Oshkosh and Peoria got clobbered with higher taxes to pay for the damages caused by those same ill winds. Indeed.

You can't cheat an honest man. Of course you can. Just make each and every law, rule, and regulation so obscure that even those who draft and interpret them haven't the faintest idea what they mean. That way everyone can be cheated at the same time, and no one will be the wiser.

Take care of the pennies and the pounds will take care of themselves. While you were watching your pennies, some folks in Washington started looking over your shoulder. They imposed a new retroactive tax, which relieved your hard-earned pounds of several "windfall" pence.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. Not true if you are Congress. If you are in government, it is your duty to exempt yourself from all laws which affect everyone else. Feel free to remove yourself from the encircling tentacles of OSHA, CERCLA, Equal Opportunity Laws, Fair Employment Acts, Social Security, and so forth. If you actually write laws, be sure to include the phrase, "This law shall not apply to the state or any political subdivision thereof." This way, you don't have to worry about what others would do unto you - you are exempt by law.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. This prescription for success was obviously written in the Dark Ages. Modern times demand a totally different strategy. First, see above: have a law passed to exempt yourself from even having to try in the first place. If that doesn't work, proclaim yourself a "victim" and demand compensation for your lack of success.

A rolling stone gathers no moss. No one has ever been able to figure out what this one means, so let's pass a law against its use!

2002-12-24T00:56:00.000-06:00

Anyone can destroy.
Anyone can take a life.
Anyone can steal.
Anyone can cause strife.

Anyone can complain.
Anyone can fear defeat.
Anyone can slander.
Anyone can lie and cheat.

Anyone can hurt feelings.
Anyone can say "It can't be done."
Anyone can be unfriendly.
Anyone can spoil fun.

Anyone can hold back,
Anyone can look the other way.
Anyone can be lazy.
Anyone can waste his life a-way.

Anyone can count on wishes.
Anyone can see sin.
Anyone can use force.
Anyone can give in.

Anyone can see weakness.
Anyone can act upset.
Anyone can be slow.
Anyone can play hard to get.

Anyone can leave the work to others.
Anyone can wait to be saved.
Anyone can blame his brother.
Anyone can be enslaved.

Anyone can bury his talents.
Anyone can run.
Anyone can earn his life -by not being "Anyone."

2002-12-22T01:22:00.000-06:00

This post right here is probably one of the ones that means the most to me. This post has the most feeling and concern. I hope that my words reflect the feeling I am trying to portray:

John Holt once said, "The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do." One of my best friends, someone that I consider a brother basically has been down for along time. Now at first I tried to do everything I could to allow him to vent and try to get his feelings out on the table. I then realized that every night we were having a convo where he was upset about something, or something new was making him feel like his life was a failure. This post is for you friend. I have been here for you since day 1 and I will keep being here. My job is to make sure that you go through life the best you can, and at first I knew that if I listened it would all be ok. Now I know that I am going to have to kick your ass and make you see how blind you are being. I know you have family who is very sick. I know it hurts man, but celebrate thier life while they are still here. I can guarentee you that your tears aren't going to add time to thier stay on earth. I know it still rough but come on man you have your life to look forward to. You also are all down about school and how bad you are doing and how you try so hard and you just fail. Well I can tell you that I can relate to this better than anyone, because I have had the quintessential highschool experience. Bottom line is : a) School isn't that important. In the grand scheme of things life isn't going to stop with one failing grade b) Don't make excuses. There is either Do or Do not, no try. Maybe you didn't put forth as much effort as you should of, just be honest. I will admit in front of everyone I didn't try to my potential and I am reaping the consequences now. Its not worth getting blue about. Now I also hate that you say when you wake up in the morning all you do is think about the 3 things you can't have. Damnit Man! Think about the 1000 things you do have. If you can't have them don't dwell on them. In time you will get everything you ever want. Life has a funny way of making you wait, and when you finally get it you will love it that much more. Shit happens and I know it does. Shit also moves on. You can't dwell on the past because right now as your wallowing in your self pity, life is passing you by, and as you stare at all those closed doors, all the ones that were opening are slowly disappearing. You have so much going for you, Your smart, you have friends who would fight 15 black kids in the ghetto for you. You can play guitar very well. You can fix just about anything, you are starting to more of a crazy ass. You have people who care about you and want to make sure your happy. Don't miss all the starry nights and bright blue days because you are staring at the ground trying to not look life in the eye. This has just been bothering me for the past few months. It just seems like everynight we talk you feel like life has shat upon you. Wake up Man! Life has blessed you with everything you could ever want, you just have to look for it. Now when I said, "The true test of character is not how much we know how to do, but how we behave when we don't know what to do.", My message to you is right now it seems like when you don't know how to behave you lay down and wallow in your thoughts. Stand up! Walk Proud! Embrace Life! Look around and see the beauty of everything and realize how much you have going on for you and stop harping on the bad

2002-12-19T20:51:00.000-06:00

Sleep?! Something of the past, something I used to enjoy doing, something I did every night. Now its something I dread. I used to look forward to crawling into my warm bed, and getting a good night's rest, that and knowing that when I woke up it would be a bright sunny day waiting to be embraced. What a memory that is. Now I fight the night until I succumb to the inevitable and close my eyes. I know that in 5 hours the sun will rise again it will be another day not to achieve something I should of. Oh why so pessimistic? I know. I know everyone has some cliche quote that says sieze the day and every moment life affords us a uturn to turn around things and change what the present is. HA! Put yourself in my shoes for just a minute, since the day you could remember you know that you can do anything you set your mind too, things intellectually that people find stimulating you find nauseum in. Nothing challenges you and you waste away your day idley in school waiting for that bell to ring so that you can go home and waste away another night doing nothing. As sad and miserable as that may sound I am not saying life is a waste. I have great friends, a great girlfriend, and probably one of the best families in the world. Even with all that I find myself drifting around trying to find that ONE thing that makes me want to try 110%. That one activity, that one hobby that you do everyday because: a) you love it b) you want to be the best at....
Recently it seems that everything I do, I find comfort in mediocracy. I have no motivation to be the best. I don't care to see myself standing on the highest podium wearing that gold medal. I am fine being the guy who claps for the people who are up there. But is that really me? There comes a point in your life when you look back and regret the things you have not done. I regret things I have said, and done, but not to the point that I am going to let them affect my future. There is one though that I do regret which affects me everyday. That is being average, being fine with mediocracy. I know you people out there who are reading this are just shaking your heads and saying, " Josh, Why don't you just try harder tommorrow. All the power is in your hands to turn everything around." For all of you who are thinking that I have only one retort, being average is a sickness. Not in a sense that I infest and destroy but in a sense that I slowly eat at myself and tear myself apart. I must have this internal fear that keeps me from trying my hardest, because not once in life have I finished something and said, "Hey I gave it my all out there." Never once have I plunged into that great abyss and swam till the end and said, " I didn't save anything for the swim back." That really bothers me. I get tired of hearing how I have everything to give but I won't. I get tired of stale advice about how the world is yours to change it if you would only try. I get tired of fake tears for me when I fail another test or get in more trouble. I'm tired of it but yet I can't seem to find the will or the way to change it. So on that note I am going to fight that sleep another night and hope that when I wake up I will be able to find the answers....

2002-12-10T22:49:00.000-06:00

Not Powers, Freedoms

The word "RIGHT," used as a noun, means, my dictionary tells me, a "just, or lawful claim." Claim on what? On whatever I want and can lawfully have.

I have a right to life, that is, a just claim on life. I have a right to liberty, a just claim to be free. I have a right to property, a just claim on land, goods, or other wealth.

My right is not life, liberty, property, but rather my proper and just claim upon these things. The distinction is important. It was understood by our revolutionary forefathers but is widely misunderstood today.

The misunderstanding lies in identifying the right with that which one has a right to, that is, a claim upon. Thus, people say, "Everyone has a right to an adequate diet," when they mean that everyone can properly take an adequate diet out of the common larder, by taxing or by voting his group a public subsidy. The fact is that no one can properly do this.

Jefferson, who asserted in the Declaration that all men have "certain unalienable rights," would have been disturbed if told that the government must provide food, clothing, and shelter to everyone because to have these is their right. One has a right to seek an adequate diet but not to compel his fellowmen to give it to him.

"Unalienable" describes that which cannot be alienated or separated from. An unalienable right is a natural right with which people are born and which cannot be taken away.

The opportunity to seek life, liberty and happiness is what Jefferson presumably was thinking of. When he listed life as one of the unalienable rights, he was thinking of the right to seek life and seek it more abundantly. He knew full well that life, liberty and happiness cannot be guaranteed to everybody, or indeed to anybody. We do not live in that kind of world. But we are born seekers, and no one can rightfully forbid our search.

The rights that are specified in the first ten amendments of the Constitution are freedoms, or opportunities. They are not achievements. For example, to grant religious freedom, as does the first amendment, does not make people religious! Rather, it forbids others (Congress) to interfere with people in practicing the religion of their choice.

Likewise, speech, press, assembly, and petition are not prescribed. The amendment simply makes them available to people to practice without interference.

These fundamental rights, which Patrick Henry, George Mason, and others insisted must be added to the Constitution, are negative in that they specify certain opportunities which government must not deny or tamper with but which must be left open to the people. All true rights are of this nature. They are freedoms from interference. They state what people shall not be prevented from doing.

The jurist, Thomas McIntire Cooley, saw a right as "that which the law secures to its possessor by requiring others to respect it and to abstain from its violation."

Underlying all other rights is the right to own property. This is a "just or lawful claim" on land, man-made wealth, or labor potential. Why must people have such a claim? They must have it if they are to use and control these things in such a way as to produce a livelihood. The right to life would be of little value if it were not accompanied by the right to exploit the material environment in a way to sustain life. This is the property right.

James Wilson, member of the Continental Congress and a signer of the Declaration of Independence, said:

"The right of private property is founded in the nature of men and things ... Exclusive property multiplies the produce of the earth. Who would cultivate the soil and sow the grain if he had no special interest in the harvest? Who would rear and tend the flocks and herds if they could be taken from him by anyone who should come to demand them? ... What belongs to no one is wasted by everyone. What belongs to one man in particular is the object of his economy and care. Exclusive property prevents disorder and promotes peace."

Again, the right of property certainly does not mean that one can rightfully take the property of others against their will. It merely means that people can seek property, produce it, buy it, inherit it, and that no one, neither their neighbors nor their government, shall forbid them or shall abridge the right.

We hear much talk of the right to a job. This does not mean that society (the government) must provide a job for every worker. It means that anyone may offer his services in the labor market, looking for a job, seeking to qualify, and deciding for himself whether or not to accept a job offer.

This right, too, is based on the property idea. One's labor potential is his own personal property, and he is free to use it, sell it, improve it, or even waste it. If forbidden to do so, as by the government under a minimum wage law, or by a union taking advantage of special privileges granted by labor laws, he has lost a fundamental human right.

The government of the city of Detroit has made a rule that all policemen hired by the city must reside within the city's limits. Some policemen are contesting this, holding that they have a right to live where they please.

They do. But the city also has a right to choose its employees. As an employer, it has a property right in the money it pays the policemen as wages. It can specify any qualifications it wishes in those to whom it pays these wages. The applicant who does not approve the qualifications is free to apply elsewhere. To force any employer to hire some particular worker is to abridge that employer's right of property.

A "Coalition of Independent College and University Students" has been formed to -lobby for increased Federal aid for students. "We believe," says Robert Kaplan, its head, "that no student should be denied the choice of a particular college or university solely for financial reasons." This appears to mean that every student should have the right to go to Harvard, the government paying his tuition.

Here again we encounter the assumption that a right is not a mere freedom to do a certain thing but is the privilege of compelling others to implement the doing of it. If this were true, a right would not be a freedom but a power. The Coalition wants not merely freedom of the student to apply to the college of his choice, which he already has, but power to force others to pay the student's cost of going to such college.

Farmers sometimes aver that they have a right to receive prices that yield cost of production plus a profit. No one has a right to get any particular price for a product. What he has a right to is freedom to sell for whatever the market will pay, to search for a better market, to store and sell later if he wishes, to quit producing one crop and to produce another.

Employment, education, health, security-each, we are told is the "right" of every American. This is considered the unanswerable argument, the clincher that will tell the lawmaker how he must vote.

It would have been ridiculous for the Pilgrims, just landed on Cape Cod, to assert these desirable things as their rights. In fact, their rights were exactly the same as ours. Theirs were freedoms to seek and to establish, if they could, these good ways of life. And so are ours.

2002-12-05T21:52:00.000-06:00

Today I had a meeting at my new school, for those of you who don't know I am leaving Plano. Special Programs is now going to be my new home of academic pursuits, yet that sentence makes me want to shudder. I am not ready to leave Plano, and everything I have there. I know the retort is I only did this to my self and sometimes you just have to get things done, quite dreppressing that is. Aside from that today was like every other day. I sat in class and thought about all the things that weren't involved with that class. I thought about life, thought about other academics, thought about people, basically everything but the intended. Funny how this education thing ends up working out.
Everything seems to be going well with the girl that I've liked, the one the past posts have been about. Everyday I realize how much enjoy talking to her, seeing her, just being around her. It's nice so far, we are getting to know each other and I like that. This is the first girl I really want to take things slow with, don't want to mess up anything. Oh and in case she ends up reading this: She is very sexy and I can't keep myself from randomly humping her leg..... :)
Also tonight me and a good friend ( fellow reverend/rabbi) had a very intellectual talk. It really felt good to be able to talk to someone at that kind of level. Someone that knew I wasn't the ignorant fool that I pretend to be around so many. I have this very cynical view toward life and people in general. I have come to learn in my short lived years that in this era of society people hear you but rarely listen. People rarely think about what you actually say. Take any given convorsation, you aren't really listening to what they are saying, you are just waiting for your chance to tell your story, or put your point of view in. I hate that! What happened to sincere listening, not caring if you spoke a word. In the past few years I have learned that I have nothing to prove to people because in the long run they won't hede my advice or knowledge, so what is the point in wasting all the energy to say it. I could get as much pleasure conversing with a wall, and for that matter the wall might get more out of it.
It's funny to think that I have all these ideas inside my disturbed intellect ( oh yeah the title) that I want to scream at the top of my lungs, and I want someone to hear so bad, and I want someone to argue with, but I can't find that set of ears to listen. There is a subject that recently I have been throwing myself into full force and I have become quite effecient in the theroums of. The only problem is that the subject is usually only embarked on by the incredibly bored/high, or the overly talented. The only people who would be able to answer my paradoxal questions or argue my points wouldn't be willing. Why you ask? Oh great question, its because I am a highschool student. It's because I haven't completed 40 hours of advanced math and physics.
You conservatives might say, well yeah that shouldn't be a problem. How can you make an educated thesis or even a question for that matter if you don't have the knowledge that came before it. My only retort is that Einstien ( weak example because I am nothing like him) battled the system for years. He had all these great ideas but no one was willing to "listen" to him because they thought they already had it figured out. They said he wasn't "educated" enough. He didn't have the right credintials to have a valid point. So Einstien wasted much of his life trying to be heard instead of furthering his understanding of the world and time. Just find it funny how in our society unless you have a degree or long standing reputation your points aren't valid or educated... GO AMERICA! GO LAND OF FREE SPEECH! What is the good of free speech if no one is listening? That is the question I ponder, and that is the question that I throw at our forefathers.

2002-12-02T22:07:00.000-06:00

Inmorality Legalized?

It must be remembered that ninety-five per cent of the peace, order and welfare existing in human society is always produced by the conscientious practice of man-to-man justice and person-to-person charity. When any part of this important domain of personal virtue is transferred to government, that part is automatically released from the restraints of morality and put into the area of conscience-less coercion. The field of personal responsibility is thus reduced at the same time and to the same extent that the boundaries of irresponsibility are enlarged.

Government cannot manage these fields of human welfare with the justice, economy and effectiveness that is possible when these same fields are the direct responsibility of morally sensitive human beings. This loss of justice, economy and effectiveness is increased in the proportion that such governmental management is centralized....

Government cannot make men good; neither can it make them prosperous and happy. The evils in society are directly traceable to the vices of individual human beings. At its best government may simply attack the secondary manifestations of these vices. Their primary manifestations are found in the pride, covetousness, lust, envy, sloth and plain incompetency of individual people. When government goes far beyond this simple duty and deploys its forces along a broad complicated front, under a unified command, it invariably propagates the very evils that it is designed to reduce.

In the sweet name of "human welfare" such a government begins to do things that would be gravely offensive if done by individual citizens. The government is urged to follow this course by people who consciously or subconsciously seek an impersonal outlet for the "primaries" of human weakness. An outlet in other words which will enable them to escape the moral responsibility that would be involved in their personal commission of these sins. As a convenience to this popular attitude we are assured that "government should do for the people what the people are unable to do for themselves." This is an extremely dangerous definition of the purpose of government. It is radically different from the purpose stated in the Declaration of Independence; nevertheless it is now widely accepted as correct.

Here is one example of centralized governmental operation: Paul wants some of Peter's property. For moral as well as legal reasons, Paul is unable personally to accomplish this desire. Paul therefore persuades the government to tax Peter in order to provide funds with which the government pays Paul a "subsidy." Paul now has what he wanted. His conscience is clear and he has proceeded "according to law." Who could ask for more? - why, Paul, of course, and at the very next opportunity. There is nothing to stop him now except the eventual exhaustion of Peter's resources.

The fact that there are millions of Pauls and Peters involved in such transactions does not change their essential and common characteristic. The Pauls have simply engaged the government "to do for them (the people) that which they are unable to do for themselves." Had the Pauls done this individually and directly without the help of the government, each of them would have been subject to fine and imprisonment. Furthermore, ninety-five per cent of the Pauls would have refused to do this job because the moral conscience of each Paul would have hurt him if he did. However, where government does it for them, there is no prosecution and no pain in anybody's conscience. This encourages the unfortunate impression that by using the ballot instead of a blackjack we may take whatever we please to take from our neighbor's store of rights and immunities.

2002-12-01T10:27:00.000-06:00

Autumn of Discontent

ONCE Upon a Time there was a great department store where people could buy any product they chose. This store had all of the latest scientific devices, medical aids, autos, washing machines, television sets-everything from soup to nuts. Customers were offered numerous options: you could go into the store just to browse, or you could buy on time, pay cash, or write a check, whatsoever you wished. People came from great distances to shop and to partake of the great assortment of products at reasonable prices.

Somewhat unique among the goods and services offered was one that went pretty much unnoticed: police service. Yes, at each of the store's many entrances and exits stood a man in blue with his shiny badge. The only time the policeman was noticed was when somebody tried to rob the store or take something out without paying for it. Occasionally, fights would break out in the store and the policeman would be called upon to restore order. Sometimes he was needed to apprehend a pickpocket or dealer in fraudulent merchandise. There was even an occasion when a store clerk tried to rob a customer and the police had to intervene; but basically the man in blue went unnoticed. Yet, be was always there and it was a comforting sign.

Everything went well for many years. The store enjoyed a good reputation; most everyone spoke well of it. Oh, there was the occasional gripe by someone who felt that he was being cheated, but this was very rare. All in all, the store showed profits, the customers were happy, and mutual respect prevailed.

Then, one day a pool, crippled old man came into the store. He looked longingly at some of the products. This was not unusual; people with problems had come to the store before. Usually, some kind person would pay f or a meal or make a gift of some item purchased in the store; and this was fine. The receiver felt good and the giver felt good.

But on this occasion it seemed that no one was around to help this poor crippled old man. He did a great deal of browsing. At times it looked as if he were going to yield to temptation and steal something, but his integrity and honesty prevailed. A policeman had been observing him carefully. Suddenly, the policeman took something off the shelf and gave it to the crippled old man. The old man, startled at first, looked with surprise at the policeman and then smiled.

Several persons in the crowded store witnessed this scene with mixed emotions: "What is that policeman doing? He can't take things that don't belong to him and give them to others. Well, I guess it's O.K.; after all, the poor man is a cripple."

A few days later, the old man was back, this time with a sick friend. He gave the policeman a wink and a smile, whereupon the policeman took some food and gave it to the crippled old man and his feeble friend. And so began a trend. Others who were poor or had physical problems would go to this policeman and ask for free merchandise, and they usually received it.

As expected, this one policeman became very popular and received commendations from both receivers and observers; after all, the store was very rich. More and more people saw this happening and thought it was fair. Soon, the policemen at the other doors joined in giving away the store's merchandise. Before long, even healthy people were walking in on crutches trying to get free merchandise, and usually succeeding. Of course, as the merchandise began to disappear, the store had to raise prices to keep from losing money; but the increases were minor at first and nobody complained.

After the practice had spread and continued, the scene began to change in the store. Instead of the quiet orderly business place it once had been, it now looked like a madhouse. There were police all over the place, hundreds of them, giving things to people for all sorts of reasons. But the people receiving these things were not happy about it as had been the first crippled old man and his friends. They always seemed to want what the policeman gave to somebody else. They would stand around screaming: "I want some of that. He's getting more than I did. Why can't I have it now?"

The ordinary shopper, without an ailment, was beginning to wonder why he should have to pay for things that others were getting for nothing. In time, as prices continued to rise, he too would manage to get some merchandise free; so he didn't complain too much about the price because he felt someone else was doing most of the paying and he was getting only bargains. In the old days, if he saw someone stealing, he would yell, "Help, police, there is a thief" until the officer took notice. But now it wasn't really robbery because the police were doing the taking and giving.

Eventually, no one believed he was getting a fair deal, even if he got everything free. It seemed as if somebody else always got more. So, what happened? The great store, of course, went out of business and there no longer was a reason for anyone to go there.

You've guessed it! The store is America. The policeman is the government. You and I are the customers. And if this is truly the "Autumn of our Discontent", let us hasten to mend our ways. If we can get the police back to their proper function of guarding peaceful persons and protecting private property, we may still save the store.

In this Bicentennial season, let us celebrate the founding principles of liberty and justice-not what we can get from government at someone else's expense. With self-responsibility-to each the fruits of his own labor-we can all live happily ever after.

2002-12-01T10:18:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Zac Maloy - Perfect Day

On a Sunday morning, far enough away, to understand
Why they say things never last
I hardly can remember, which way the road is going
i'll count a hundred cars before an hour's past
And I thank you, for the real life
Though my words usually stay inside

I'll pick you up, when you're down
And I'll be the sun shining down
Any day with you is a perfect day

Another song is wading, thorught the radio
Every word reminds me why I had to go
I hardly can remember what I had there
In a second, I know that I will know
Cuz your touch is like magic
It's more than I could imagine
In your arms I drift away

I'll pick you up, when you're down
And I'll be the sun shining down
Any day with you is a perfect day

2002-12-01T10:14:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Day: Ralph Waldo Emerson
"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success."

2002-12-01T10:13:00.000-06:00

I woke up early this morning, and for some reason I awoke to find myself in a very contemplative mood. The past few days, or should I dare say weeks, life has turned many new corners, and gone down many sidestreets that I never knew existed. My eyes have been opened to the beauty of certain individuals, and the immediate happiness that lies within thier every word. The only problem is the fear that underlies these new situations. I am the kind of person that hides behind a rough facade to give off the impression that I am strong and unbreakable, like my soul and heart are made of iron. Facades are little more than masks, and my masks hide the horrible scars of fear. To clarify, I don't mean fear of the dark, or heights, or big black guys carrying bats, this is an emotional fear that courses through my viens and fuels my body. The kind of fear that brings my knees to butter and my will to continue to a dismal afterthought. In a brief statement, I guess I fear the fact that I don't trust people in the fact that they will stay around. Too many situations have begun in a wonderful pursuit and ended in nothing less than a half hearted goodbye. The reason I say this is because new situations are presenting me with the oppurtunity to grow with another person and open up to somebody and get to know them in return. It just made me chuckle because I was afraid to go further, I was afraid to cross that threshold and actually do something. Everyone talks in thier life about "dare to be great situations", that one situation in your life that you could sit and watch walk away, or the one that you could embrace. Even Funnier, I have always waited for one of these situations where I would have to choose to come out of the hiding and open myself, or stay in a trembling cotonic state. As I sat and tried to figure out if I could muster the courage I realized one very important thing : "Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt, Shakespeare. Nothing made it more certain what the future was going to entail. I have always been afraid to fail at something so I didn't attempt it. Now I have a feeling that trying this will be worth alot more then sitting back and wishing I had. It's time to learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow, or like confucious would say : " A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step". In this situation, if I didn't try to see what would happen, I know that I would regret it each morning when I saw the sun had risen once again. It's not very often you find someone who's genuine and sweet, as well as beautiful and humble. A good friend of mine wrote an analogy about climbing recently, and how he knew he was beginning to tire and he knew that as he progressed up this wall he was going to fall at one point. Well I have my own version of this analogy to fit my situation. I sit at the bottom of the wall looking up at it. I look at the holds and fear that I might not make it to the top, and fear that I might fall. I reach my sweaty shaking hands into the chalk bag and try to muster the courage to climb this wall. Then I picture her smile in my head and it all becomes evident what I have to do. I step up to the wall and jump to the first hold and begin to make my ascent up the wall. I pause to wipe the sweat from my face and look down to realize I am not wearing a harness. I don't turn around though, I am not very high yet, but I have to keep going. I look up to see how my route is going and I realize that a black haze has covered the rest of the wall and I can't see whats on the other side. I can't see what the holds are, or how high this wall will go. It doesn't stop me though, its time to plunge into the situation and not fear the fall or defeat. So basically, I am not even going to consider that I will fall. The chance of me falling at somepoint is probably pretty high, but it doesnt matter to me. I don't want that to get in my way. I don't want to hold back whatever I have inside me, because of the "safety ropes". This is one of these situations where I don't want to save anything for the way back. This is a huge step...... but as I stand trembling now, I think its totally worth it.

2002-11-30T12:52:00.000-06:00

Justice : Defined

When a word is used in a certain context often enough, it can take on a whole new meaning. One such casualty of the English language is the word "justice." By planting it within the phrase "economic justice," we begin to equate justice with the equal distribution of wealth. Would economic equality through the transfer of wealth by the state be the realization of economic justice?

Nature does not produce a state of equality. No two people have the same physical or mental abilities. Add to the equation the free will of the individual either to utilize the talents that God has rationed - or to squander them-and economic equality becomes a goal that is incompatible with the right to property.

To correct nature's "imperfections," the socialist looks to the state to employ the leveling power of the law. Socialists assume that economic inequality in and of itself constitutes economic injustice. They regard wealth acquired through risk, toil, and sweat to be ill-gotten gain if it is "excessive. " Therefore justice must be imposed, or rather, inflicted by the state upon society through positive laws.

Positive laws are tyrannical. One individual's rights-whether they be life, liberty, or property-must be sacrificed by the state in order to fulfill the positive rights of another. For example, if housing is considered a "right," then the state will have to confiscate wealth (property) from those who have provided shelter for themselves in order to house those who have not. This is done under the banner of justice, when justice is defined as equality.

In The Law, French economist Frederic Bastiat wrote: "'The purpose of the law is to cause justice to reign' is not a rigorously accurate statement. It ought to be stated that the purpose of the law is to prevent injustice from reigning. In fact, it is injustice, instead of justice, that has an existence of its own. Justice is achieved only when injustice is absent. "

True justice is realized when our lives, and property are secure, and we are free to express our thoughts without fear of retribution. Just laws are negative in nature; they exist to thwart the violation of our natural rights. Government ought to be the collective organization - that is, the extension - of the individual's right of self-defense, and its purpose to protect our lives, liberties, and property.

Socialism's allure lies in its deceptive appeal to become part of a noble cause-to create a utopian society where every individual is free from want. Yet a job, home, education, medical care, and standard of living, are not "rights." They are things that may be gained in proportion to the effort and ingenuity spent in acquiring them-in a free society.

Socialists are skilled at manipulating language in order to advance their ideology. A movement that claims to seek economic justice is much more palatable to the American public than one which openly seeks the advance of socialism. Americans love justice, but most-especially politicians-will not admit to being socialists. Instead they will describe themselves as "liberals" or "progressives." These are deliberately deceptive labels designed to make socialists appear to be operating from a moral high ground. For, to oppose a liberal implies that you seek to constrain-when in fact just the opposite is true. It is the modern liberal who views government as a tool to engineer society and control our lives. To oppose a progressive implies that you are "backwards" and an obstacle to progress. And to oppose "economic justice" as it is defined by liberals/progressives, is to favor injustice.

Economic justice is not realized when we are equal, it is realized when we are free to own property and order its direction. Wealth redistribution by the state is nothing more than legalized economic injustice.

Government that tramples the property rights of its citizens makes itself their adversary, and will eventually collapse or face insurrection. A government that exists to protect personal liberty and property rests upon a firm foundation-the allegiance of those it governs.

2002-11-30T12:46:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Paul Brandt - I do

I've seen the storm clouds in your past
But rest assured 'cause you are safe
at home at last
I rescued you, you rescued me
And we're right where we should be
when we're together

I know the questions in your mind
But go ahead and ask me one more time
You'll find the answer's still the same
It won't change from day to day
for worse or better

Chorus:
Will I promise to be your best friend
And am I here until the end
Can I be sure I have been waiting for you
And did I say my love is true
Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I do

I know the time will disappear
But this love we're building on will always be here
No way that this is sinking sand
On this solid rock we'll stand forever

(Chorus)

Baby I will, I am, I can, I have
Oh, I will, I am, I can, I have
Baby I will, I am, I can, I have, I do

2002-11-30T12:37:00.000-06:00

Raechel just called me from San Antonio and it made me realize how much I enjoy talking to her. Its just one of those things where your doing absolutely nothing or your working around the house and your just kind of hanging on, and then the phone rings and suddenly for those few minutes everything seems to pick up again. You walk away with an added spring in your step and an extra wide smile. Thats the sort of feeling I got just now when she called. Sometimes I feel like when I hang up the phone I get the feeling maybe I didn't express my excitement from hearing from the person enough. I dunno its just one of those things where I am not sure how to express myself in a way fit way. So basically I am using this post to let you know that I look forward to talking to you everytime the phone rings and you should know that :)

2002-11-29T15:44:00.000-06:00

Happy Belated Turkey Day to all you people I didn't talk to yesterday. Yesterday was full of great food and great company. I can say though it feels like I gained 1000 lbs., what a great feeling. Its been pretty quiet though around here because everyone is busy or out of town. Our group is kind of split up this week. It will be nice to have everyone back in thier place soon. Everything in life is starting to fall into place. Situations with friends and such are calming down and it seems as if everything might just figure itself out. HOORAY! Funny though I was thinking about some stuff last night and I realized there is a funny paradox in life. Let me begin by explaining that I dread going to school everyday beacuse of the hassle from teachers and the constant nagging from administration. Oh yeah and that little thing that is stripped when we enter the door, I think its called individualism. Well recently there is a certain someone that I look forward to seeing everyday, and it makes all that crap worth it just for that one second to say hi. Now it seems as if next semester I won't have that oppurtunity. I just think its ironic how for my whole highschool career I have been looking for an escape, or a way to get out, and now that I finally found it, and the only thing I can think about is staying. Life is crazy like that I guess. I am not worried though, I will get out of school early enough to eat lunch with all my friends, and I will have more than ample time to hang out with everyone, so it might be a good start on learning to be more independent in prepration for college... Well thats about all folks, nothing too exciting to report other than I feel like I am the happiest guy alive, and all because of one person... *winks* and she knows who she is...

2002-11-27T23:00:00.000-06:00

Well tonight was quite wonderful, me and a certain other went out for dinner and then went to see Harry Potter. In my opinion the evening was great. She was beautiful like always and a blast to hang out with. I am not sure what it is but I hang on everyword she speaks, and I enjoy hearing stories about her past and her present. I found myself everytime I looked at her getting this feeling that I havent felt in quite along time. The kind where you get butterflies and you get jittery. I dunno, I wanted to hold her, feel her touch, wanted to kiss her to show her how I felt, but something held me back. After all this I am still not certain where I stand with her. I would like to think that by her actions and the way she looks at me its because she likes me, but I dont' want to make that assumption and be wrong. She is the first girl that has really listened to me and appreciated me for who I am, and I don't want to mess that up by a bad miscalculation. It sucks that shes going to be gone the rest of thanksgiving break, yeah its only a week and I know i'll live, but I look forward to our late night convos and seeing her on a daily basis. I just wish I knew how she felt. I wish I knew that she felt the same was as I... hope it turns out to be more than a wish......

2002-11-25T22:09:00.000-06:00

Well this is an update to that last post. I have come to a rather important apiphany. This girl is great, and I have no problem being her friend if thats all she wants. Not a single problem in the world. I also don't have a problem with anyone else pursuing her as well. Basically I am here to make her happy, whatever way works best for her. As long as whatever happens I know that shes smiling, then im content with it. Funny how so many words can lead to such a simple and short aphiphany.

2002-11-25T21:24:00.000-06:00

Well nothing comes without challenge in this lifetime. A seemingly easy situation has escalated into what might be the hardest descision of my life. It tunrs out that there is this girl that I like. Well she is cute, funny, everything I discussed in an earlier post. As I am getting to know her I am finding myself liking her more. Now as for her feelings toward me I have no clue. It isn't one of those things that I can just bring up in a convo and I doubt she would be able to either. This is one of those situations where time will show what the feelings are. Now this may sound very simple to you but now here is the sticky part. Good friend of mine likes her as well. Not sure his level of infatuation but from what it seems we might be rivaling in feelings. Now its hard because we both look out for each other, and we aren't sure what to do. Neither one of us wants to back down, or try harder, we are kind of stuck between a rock and a hard place. It also leads to other things because it seems like this friend is doing things to further his chance, kind of on the down low. Not only that but it seems like its going to be a competition. We are challenging each other on who knows more or the most or what not. This is really bothering to me. So basically I have come up with this: I like this girl, I like her alot and I would give my right arm just to have the chance to talk to her more. She is the one saving grace in my monotonaus day and I would hate to think that it couldn't be more. I have met alot of people in my short lived life but very few can keep me hanging on thier next word waiting to see what will be next. Very few instill enough trust from the beginning that I am willing to open up off the bat. On the other hand this friend is the same way. They have helped me through more shit than any one given person and I wouldnt do anything to hurt them. I don't know what to do. First time in my life I don't have an answer or someone to help me find that answer. Actually the more I sit here the more I feel like the only option I have is to back out. I would do anything for this girl and I just want to see her happy. If this other person can make her laugh and she can confide in him like no one else can, then all the better. I dunno it feels like i've been tossed into this wierd labrynth where I have no idea of what direction to go in. My heart is being torn into polar oppisites. Half of me says, " Josh what are you waiting for, this kind of girl you won't find very often," The other half says, " Your best friend seems to think he is better than you for her, or seems to have the same feelings". Personally if its true, then there is nothing that I would do to try to stand in the way of that. I don't know know what I am going to do, haven't been faced with a decision like this before... It hurts, but im sure the worst is yet to come, this is one of those situations where I feel that a sign should be in front of me saying " Abandon hope all ye who enter"

2002-11-24T16:24:00.000-06:00

PERSONAL INFO:

Name: Joshua Ansley Patten
2. Nicknames: I go by Josh, or crazy ass
3. Hometown: Plano
4. School: Plano
5. Eye color: Blue/Green
6. Members in Family: Mom, Dad, Marsh
7. Favorite salad dressing: Ranch
8. What type of deodorant do you use: which ever I end up picking up at the stoor
9. Favorite shampoo: Herbal Essence
10. Favorite color(s): Blue, Green
11. Best friends: Tommy and Chetan
12. One pillow or two: 1 pillow
13. Pets: Moly and Nikki, both yellow labs
14. Favorite Movies: Good Will Hunting, Pulp Fiction, Office space
15. Favorite type(s) of music: all types
16. Dream Car Right now: 422 ci Trans Am.
17. Word or phrases you overuse: “oh shit", "bitch", "glat"
20. Nationality: Cracker Ass Cracker
21. Favorite food: Well if you consider the fact that 3/4 of my diet consists of mexian food, I would have to go with MEXICAN
22. Favorite Quote(s): “ Every second, is another second to turn things around'
23. Do you get along with your parents: Yes I do
24. Favorite town to chill in: wherever there is a warm atmosphere and a bunch of close friends to hang with
25. Favorite ice cream: cookie dough ice cream
26. Favorite soft drink: Coke or Shirley Temple ( yeah you heard me)
27. Favorite drink that's not soft: hmmm mormonade :)
28. What's your bedtime on school days: whenever I get offline
29. Favorite shoes: none at all
30. How many pairs of shoes: 7
31. Favorite perfume/cologne: Curve or Abercrombie
32. Favorite web site: Not sure
33. Favorite subject in school: World of Ideas
34. Favorite sport to watch: Don't really like watching sports
35. Most humiliating moment: there are way too many to list, its hard not to have them when you lack shame.
36. What's your dream job: Corperate Lawyer
37. Are you an inside or outdoors person: outdoors
38. Do you have any regrets about life: unfortunately, yes, but its those regerts that fuel me to do better the next day
39. Have you ever gotten a ticket: 16!
42. Piercing or Tattoo: nope
43. Have you ever been in love: Yes I have
44. Preference of color of hair for opposite sex: Brown or Blonde
45. Preference of color of eyes for opposite sex: Green
46. Preference of height for opposite sex: I think that I am going to have to stick to shorter girls, I'm not to keen on the amazon women
47. Preference of shoe size for opposite sex: Doesn't really matter to me, as long as they are clown feet...haha! jk
48. Preference of holding hands or arm around each other: BOTH
49. Preference of movie or dinner with opposite sex: BOTH
50.number of kids you want: 2
51. Names of kids: haha, I think petrichio ( damn hamlet) is a badass name
52. Broken the law: I think a more appropriate question is when have you obeyed the law
53. Ran away from home: Nope never gotten that bad
54. Lied: very rarely
55. Cheated on a test: nope
56. Played strip poker: nope, I don't play strip poker at the age of 5 like some people!!!!!
57. Had a medical emergency, if so, what?: Been to the emergency room more time then I can count
58. Gotten beat up: Well tommy would like to think so, but not really
59. Skipped school: how about took a one period sobatical, yeah I like that better
60. Favorite candy: Snickers all the way
61. Favorite toothpaste: Crest
62. Favorite color(s) to wear: blue
63. Favorite alcoholic drink: don't drink
64. Fruit or vegetables: fruit
65. Preference of Internet: ?
66. Preference of big city or small town: big city, many things to do in a big city
67. Preference of computer: one that works
68. Have you ever smoked: smoking is gross
69. What kind of watch do you have: don't
70. What kind of wallet or billfold: nice nautica one
71. Beeper or Cell Phone: Cell Phone
72. Radio or CD: Radio
73. Movie or DVD: DVD
74. Ice skating or Rollerblading: both
75. High School or College: High School
76. Single or married: the day I find a girl that can stand me will be the day I marry her
77. Occupation: Proffesional Badass, hitman, or Lawyer, and if im lucky a hobo
78. Fav. Keychain quote: not sure
79. Favorite Song: Iris, Glycerine, Sweet home alabama
80. Favorite Flower: for fear of being called a fag I am going to pass
81. Fork or Spoon: Fork
82. Paper plate or plastic plate: paper
83. Eating out or at home: either
84. Favorite number: 14
85. Fav. day(s) of the week: fri or sat
87. Favorite kind of animal: dog or sex kitten..lol
89. Favorite Jean Manufacturer: Nautica
90. Favorite Shirt Manufacturer: American eagle

DO YOU BELIEVE IN?

Love at first sight: Oh yes
God: yes
Aliens: yes
Horoscopes: Hell yeah! We are in the year of the Aquarians
Oranges or apples: Apples
Deaf or Blind: Blind, I couldn’t live with out the sound of music
Hot tubs or Pools: Pool
TV or Radio: radio

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU...

Took a shower: this morning
Watched Bambi: when I was 4
Cried: been a while, couple of months
Sang out loud: right now
Got mad: a few days
Talked Long Distance: its been a while

WHAT IS...

Your favorite CD: touch choice
Your bedroom like: kind of routy
Your favorite thing for lunch: nachos
The best thing that happened to you today: hung out with my friends
Favorite cartoon character: Rocko or Homer

DO YOU BELIEVE IN...

Abortion: If its for the right reason
Religion: I'm a reverend

DO YOU LIKE...

Alternative music: yep
Rap: yep
Country: Yes I do
Classical: yep
Pop: yep
Rock: yep
R&B: yep

WHO...

Makes you laugh the most: Tommy, Chetan, Alan, and probably raechel now in the girl category
Do you go for advice: All the time
Do you hate: no
Has it easier, girls or guys: guys all the way
Do you ever save AOL conversations: ya, some
When do you usually go online: When I wake up
Boy/Girl you like/love or have a crush on: somethings are better left mysterious....

2002-11-24T13:05:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Day:
Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all

2002-11-24T12:57:00.000-06:00

What a great weekend! Everything I wanted to accomplish I did. Got to go rock climbing, got my mexican food fix. Also got to hang out with one very cool "morman". So all in all it was a very cool weekend. I was worrying about some stuff last night, when a good friend of mine gave me some advice and I realized that in situations like this you just can't worry about it. I feel asleep soon after that and had this dream, and for some reason I woke up this morning feeling like a new person, very energized and ready to tackle what ever was in front of me. I feel like maybe last night I had an apiphany that might just turn over a new leaf. Thanks friend, you know who you are! So beware world! There is a new and improved Josh on the loose!

2002-11-24T11:43:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Lifehouse - Hanging by a moment
Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
Closer to where I started
chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely Incomplete
I'll take your invitation
you take all of me
now i'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all i've held on to
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and I'm not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you
There is nothing else to lose
There is nothing else to find
There is nothing in the world
that could change my mind
There is nothing else...
desperate for changing
starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
I'm chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
and I don't know what I'm diving into
just hanging by a moment here with you...

2002-11-23T14:02:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Day:
The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy

2002-11-23T13:22:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Lifehouse - Simon
Catch your breath hit the wall scream out loud as you start to crawl back in
Your cage the only place where they will leave you alone 'cause the weak will
Seek the weaker until they've broken them could you get it back again
Would it be the same fulfillment to their lack of strength
At your expense left you with no defense they tore it down and i have
Felt the same as you, I've felt the same as you, I've felt the same
Locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered where you feel safe
You lost yourself in your search to find something else to hide behind
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence
Did they see the consequence when they pushed you around
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown
Refuse to feel, Anything at all refuse to slip, Refuse to
Fall can't be weak, Can't stand still you watch your back,
'Cause no one will you don't know why they had to go
This far traded your worth for these scars for your only
Company don't believe the lies that they told to you
Not one word was true you're alright, You're alright,
You're alright

2002-11-23T13:18:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning and for some reason I felt strangely discontent. It was one of those moments of aphiphany that leads to further contemplation. The best analogy for how I feel about my given situation is that I am on an endless highway, one with no exits. I speed along happily trying to make the best of it, and then I see the exit ( my goal) in the distance and it excites me. As I approach though it begins to fade more and more. Until finally I pass it at excessive speed, and as I look in my rear view mirror I see the exit once again. Yeah we all have missed an exit once before and we goto the next one and back track. In this reality though I can't ever reach that next one, and if I do it also flies by. What a shame right?
The wierdest part is that in general I lead a very apathetic life. I let most things roll of my back and I continue smiling because honestly I don't find them important enough to care about or worry about. But there are situations when things matter to me, and when it goes astray from what I intended, its an experience to say the least. Its ironic that when I finally do find the courage or will to care about something or someone I very rarely achieve that. I think this random babble is rooted in the fact that as it stands right now next semester I will be spending an extended amount of time in the "special" programs school. I am not thrilled about this to say the least, but I guess sometimes you have to do things whether you want to or not. Its also brought on by the fact that there are certain people in my life that I have found a new liking for, and from the way they act towards me and such forth, it seems as if there are no recripocal feelings. Its just frutrating in the fact that plano has very few genuine good hearted people, and it seems when I find one, it never works out.
Oh well this was a bunch of frustrated ramble that hopefully I can find my exit soon and reach my destination. OTHERWISE MEXICO HERE I COME!.........

2002-11-20T18:34:00.000-06:00

Wow! Shes cute. No she's more than cute, she is beautiful, but she has the air of innocence about her that makes it cute upon that. Wow! Shes smart. I can hold a conversation with her for hours and still be left wanting more. Wow! Her eyes, she can give this look that melts into you. You know what I am talking about. The kind of eyes that when you take one look you want to know what lies behind them, you want to know what she sees through them. She has this touch as well, the kind that makes you feel like your something special, the kind where it makes you laugh when you didn't think you wanted to, or the kind that lets you know everything is ok.
I am sure if you are still reading you are wondering what the hell am I babbling about. Well there is this girl that has unexpectedly caught my attention, and I can't hold it inside any longer. I want to tell the whole world but my only apprehension is the fear that in her eyes I am nothing more than a friend, which if is true, is fine because a friendship with he would still be quite an honor, but we all desire more. I dunno she is just a really great girl and I would love to pursue something further. Its just driving me nuts that I have to keep all this inside...

2002-11-12T23:50:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Lonestar - Smile

I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
And your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go

So, I'm gonna smile, cause I wanna make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me, I'm gonna smile

Kiss me once for the good times baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
Cause that's how I want you to remember me

I'm gonna smile, cause I wanna make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

I'm gonna smile, so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile

2002-11-12T23:39:00.000-06:00

Recently I have come to the realization that maybe I have lost all sense of what infatuation is. It seems that I am caught on some kind of spinning playground equipment emotionaly speaking, and I find myself constantly dizzy and at a loss of direction. Everything I thought I stood for, and everything I thought I looked for has slipped through my fingers in a liquid descent. You would think that companionship would be a top priority of mine, but its not. It isn't even something noble like I am trying to work on myself or I just haven't found that right girl. There are a few girls which I know conceptually are wonderful girls that could change my every notion of this world or what I percieve of it. But something subconsciously keeps me spinning on that wheel and blinds me from a logical conclusion. Instead of pursuing actively what I should, I seem to stray and make every attempt to make sure I have no chance. Now many phsychologists would say that I have some sort of post tramuatic relationship issue, but its not that. I do not fear relationship. Maybe its that I fear people, because I have figured out how they work. Or even sadder maybe I fear people because I can't figure out how they work.
I wish that I could sum up all my fears into one word, or even a mild phrase, but I think its something so much deeper than that. As an individual and personality wise I am a total romantic. I love stars, love, fate and all the other tripe we preach to love and lust for. I long for serendipitus moments where I will meet my one love in an ice rink on a snowy day, in new york after a chance meeting. I know though that it is just hollywood at its best. There is no chance meeting like that, and there is no moment like that. Maybe, just maybe, my idea of what relationships are doesn't quite fit societies norm at this age. That would be an easy explination, but sadly enough I don't think its that either.
Hopefully I will figure out what I am looking for soon, futhermore maybe I won't over analyze every single situation. Maybe its time to take that leap of faith that I have been fearing. Many poets and writers alike afford love to being someting similar to a leap of faith. Both people stand on top of the summit, looking down but only seeing the blanket of clouds. Its up to each person to jump alone and once you jump there is no safety line to pull to retreat to the top. You have to have "faith" that there is a soft crash pad below and not a fiery pit. Maybe its time for me to Jump, and see who follows. Maybe its time for me to walk to the summit, and begin life in love as we know it.
Only the Future knows.......

2002-11-12T23:26:00.000-06:00

Quote/Poem of the day:
"Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. LOVE NEVER FAILS."
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

2002-11-09T10:16:00.000-06:00

Quote/Poem of the Day: William Blake - To The Muses

Whether on Ida's shady brow,
Or in the chambers of the East,
The chambers of the sun, that now
From ancient melody have ceas'd;

Whether in Heav'n ye wander fair,
Or the green corners of the earth,
Or the blue regions of the air,
Where the melodious winds have birth;
Whether on crystal rocks ye rove,
Beneath the bosom of the sea
Wand'ring in many a coral grove,
Fair Nine, forsaking Poetry!

How have you left the ancient love
That bards of old enjoy'd in you!
The languid strings do scarcely move!
The sound is forc'd, the notes are few!

2002-11-09T10:13:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day: Elton John - Your Song

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on

So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen

2002-11-09T10:12:00.000-06:00

Freedom is not Democracy

The earthshaking events of the past few months in Eastern Europe have generated surprise, shock, hope, and applause throughout the world. The most important consequence of these events, however, is not the demise of authoritarian socialist governments, but the impetus given to an examination of the relationship between the private and public sectors in all nations.

Contrary to the media hoopla that equates democracy with freedom, the mere replacement of a Communist socialist government with a democratic socialist one, while an improvement, does not alone advance the cause of freedom very much.

Freedom and democracy are different. Democracy addresses how affairs in the public sector will be conducted. Democracy is greater when individuals vote on those matters assigned to the public sector. On the other hand, freedom is concerned with the relationships among people in the private sector. Freedom means individuals may choose how to interact on a voluntary basis outside the purview of the state.

In short, democracy means you get to vote in the public sector; freedom means you get to determine the terms of your interactions with others in the private sector.

The popular news and debates over reform in Eastern Europe have focused on the developments toward democracy in the public sector to the neglect of the more important question of how human activities are divided between the public and private sectors. One can envision a country with an authoritarian, but very small, public sector in which freedom is much greater than in a country with a democratic, but very large, public sector.

The key is a constitution that draws the line between the public and private sectors, and between democracy and freedom. More important, the role of the constitution is to protect freedom from democracy and the individual from the majority.

Some freedoms are civil, like free speech, religion, and association. The First Amendment takes the regulation of speech, including the press, out of the public sector. Left to a democratic political process, free speech would be severely restricted by lawmakers - invasions of free speech are repeatedly being struck down by the courts, and many more are prevented by these precedents. The Constitution protects free speech from democracy.

In the economic sphere, freedom means that individuals have a right to own, buy, and sell property as they choose in free markets. In the past century, there has everywhere been a steady invasion of market activity by the political process. Even in capitalist countries such as the United States, the public sector has continually expanded. Once economic activity is addressed by the political process, it immediately becomes subject to capture by those - often a tiny minority - who can effectively manipulate it to their own ends. In many ways this political invasion of the marketplace throttles free speech as well, as witnessed by the successful efforts of newspaper trade groups, normally staunch defenders of free speech, to prevent competition from telephone companies who wish to enter into electronic publishing.

The economic collapse of Communist socialism is largely responsible for the upheavals of the past year. Yet the popular notion is that this economic collapse can be repaired by a democratic reform of the political process. On the contrary, economic reform can be achieved only by removing economic matters from the political process. Unless the size and scope of the public sectors in Eastern Europe, now all-pervasive, are shrunk considerably, little will have changed. The only difference will be that people acquire the right to vote on how the public sector constrains their freedoms.

The lessons of the past are clear, if Eastern Europe chooses to look. Wherever economies are heavily regulated (as in Eastern Europe, China, North Korea, India, most of Africa and South America), socialist or not, they have been outstripped by their market-oriented counterparts -Western Europe, Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Hong Kong, Singapore, Chile, the United States, and the Commonwealth nations.

The constitutional bases for a market economy are very simple: property rights must be vested in individuals or voluntary associations of individuals. These rights, like our freedoms of speech and religion, must be well defined and tenaciously defended (as is free speech) against encroachment from the public sector. Titles to property and services must be freely transferable.

The objection to keeping the public sector out of private economic activity is that markets don't always work ideally. Yet the same people who condemn the marketplace for not working ideally want to scrap it for a politically directed system that is demonstrably worse. Rational choices can be made only by weighing the benefits and costs of alternatives. Only individuals can know their alternatives, and only individuals who directly bear the consequences of their choices will weigh these properly. Filtering choices through complex political and bureaucratic processes assures that the alternatives will be neither known nor weighed. Markets are certainly not perfect, but they are much better than the alternatives, as events in Eastern Europe have shown.

There is a difference between democracy and freedom. Freedom must be protected from democracy. A good constitution will do that. Only when the countries of Eastern Europe and elsewhere adopt and enforce such constitutions will the economic progress that inevitably follows be realized.

In our own economy the dangers of public encroachments on the private sector are usually encountered more subtly. Here, we have produced a massive public sector by tolerating incremental encroachment without addressing the larger issue. If nothing else, the recent events in Eastern Europe should stimulate us to rethink the drift of piecemeal democratic encroachments on our own freedoms.

2002-11-06T23:42:00.000-06:00

Quote/Poem of the Day : Dylan Thomas - Do not go gentle into that good night

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

2002-11-06T23:36:00.000-06:00

Song of the Day : John Mayer - Love Song for No One
Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

2002-11-06T17:07:00.000-06:00

Compulsion Creates Conflict

"School Censorship Upheld" read the headline in my city's daily newspaper. The January 13th ruling by the Supreme Court that school officials have the right to control the content of the student newspaper is stirring controversy. Unfortunately, little attention is being directed to the root of the problem: public schools.

It is because the schools are publicly owned and operated that an otherwise reasonable act takes on sinister potential. It is the existence of tax-financed education that creates the inevitable clash of individual rights. That is, both sides of this case have legitimate rights. The resolution of the case in either side's favor tramples the rights of the other side.

The Court's logic was sound in asserting that the school, since it sponsors and funds the student paper, has a right to exercise editorial control. To deny this right would amount to requiring someone to fund the publication of ideas he finds offensive or harmful. Some 200 years ago, Thomas Jefferson correctly condemned forcing a person to finance ideas he opposes.

On the other hand, critics of the Court's decision are justified in their fears of growing suppression of expression. The recent trend in Court decisions has upheld warrantless searches and censorship of speech within schools. The extension to student papers is in line with these earlier findings.

If schools were private institutions, privately financed and voluntarily attended, there would be no case to bring to court. Private institutions would have discretion over whether there were a student paper and what its content might be. Those who didn't like the way this discretion was exercised would be free to take their business elsewhere. Competition among private schools would lead to a diversity of approaches to this issue.

When schools are public, though, there can be no equitable resolution of the problem. Those who find their local schools unsatisfactory, for whatever reason, are not really free to take their business elsewhere. Students are permitted to attend state-approved alternative schools, but not to select unapproved alternatives. Even if the student leaves the public school, his parents aren't free to withdraw their tax support. Parents may send their child to a state-approved private school, but they still will be required to pay for a public school education not received.

The heavy tax burden for public education effectively limits the schooling choices for many people. Though they might like their child to attend a private school, many parents cannot afford to pay twice for one education. In short, many children are forced to attend public schools.

Because of the compulsory and collectivist method of financing the public schools, the violation of rights is guaranteed. The student writing a controversial article for the school paper has paid (in the form of his parents' taxes) for part of the cost of the support of the publication. Other taxpayers, who also have paid part of the cost, do not want their tax dollars to fund this controversial article. Whether the article be printed or suppressed, someone's rights will be violated.

That compulsion and collectivism should threaten free expression is amply demonstrated by conditions in the Soviet Union. The Soviet constitution guarantees a free press. At the same time, though, the government owns all the presses. Obviously, the government cannot allow valuable and scarce resources to be wasted on the expression of "frivolous" or "harmful" ideas. Consequently, the constitutional guarantee is meaningless. Similarly, the attendees of public schools are finding their constitutional guarantees of a free press to be meaningless in a collectivized institution where the authorities own the presses.

The only way to protect the rights of those who express ideas, as well as the rights of those who must pay for the publication of the ideas, is to discontinue the use of compulsion in education. Taxpayers should not be compelled to pay for schooling they neither want nor use. Students should be free to attend any school they or their parents are willing and able to pay for.

Ending coercion in schooling would go a long way toward demonstrating our understanding of and commitment to freedom. A truly free education would eliminate a major source of conflict and injustice in our society.

2002-11-06T14:36:00.000-06:00

Random Dumb act for the Day: Let me set the scene I am walking through the parking lot when Derrick stumbles upon a broken pumpkin. He grabs it and with all his might tosses the orange ball into the air, and gloriously it lands with a grotesqe splatter. I decide to inflict more punishment onto it, so I rear back and with a running start punt it through the parking lot. As I stop to marvel in its beauty, I feel a *thwap* to my left leg. As I look at the ground I see a newly broken pumpkin part laying on the ground looking menacing and mischevious. I turn my leg to see the wound its inflicted and notice that the pumpkin has bled across my left leg. I then look to the heavens and yell, " DAMNIT WHY DID I JUST GET PUMPKINED". As I turn around to see the culperate, I notice that Double T looks very scared of the coming events that are about to occur. The day will come when I will get even... Beware!

2002-11-05T21:28:00.000-06:00

Quote of the Day: "There has never been another you. With no effort on your part you were born to be something very special and set apart. What you are going to do in appreciation of that gift is a decision only you can make." ~ Dan Zadra~

Song of the Day :

She says: "Don't stare at me."
She's afraid that I might see,
Those five extra pounds she talks about.
Man, I don't know what she's talking about.

She looks through magazines.
With every page she dreams of,
Looking like somebody else.
I wish she wasn't so hard on herself.
Then she falls asleep with just my T-shirt on,
An' even when her hair's messed up and her make-up's gone,

You can't hide beautiful.
You can't hide wonderful.
There's nothing that she has to do,
It just comes natural.
She makes it look easy.
I love what she does to me.
No way to disguise,
The way that she shines.
You can't hide beautiful, oh no.

She can take a simple dress,
Put it on and turn some heads.
Man, every time she moves she gets me:
She doesn't even know she's sexy.

And the way she thinks sometimes,
Out of nowhere, she blows my mind.
She makes me laugh and makes me dream.
I love the way she looks at things.
A little piece of heaven God gave to this world.
She might think he's just an ordinary girl,

But you can't hide beautiful.
You can't hide wonderful.
There's nothing that she has to do,
It just comes natural.
She makes it look easy.
I love what she does to me.
No way to disguise,
The way that she shines.
You can't hide beautiful, oh no.
You can't hide beautiful,
Oh no.

She makes it look easy.
I love what she does to me.
No way to disguise,
The way that she shines.
You can't hide beautiful, oh no.
You can't hide beautiful.

She's so beautiful, oh yeah, yeah.
Oh, whoa, yeah.

You can't hide beautiful.

2002-11-05T15:03:00.000-06:00

I sit here in class, and realize that much of what my daily life consists of is apathy, even to a level of nauseum. So what better then to philosophisize on it.

Apathy : The Defense

We hear much these days of the virtue of "involvement." Honored are the "activists" who so boldly and humanely watch out for their fellow man and find themseleves dalying in public affairs and school activities; they have also been called "Community-minded," "civic awareness," and "socially conscious," are true-blue banners, the merit badges of the 100 per cent Twentieth Century solid citizen.

The cry for involvement is most frequently raised on the campus. Many students find themseleves in frantic search for the passionate days of relevance and revolution of such recent memory, ask: Where is the involvement? Where is the community action? Where are the people who really care?

Wake up people! Get involved! Whip that Apathy! Make a better world! Organize your Community! Change your Nation! Reform the World! Get involved in all the school activities!

On the contrary!

Maligned and persecuted, apathy-in the social sense of the word-is possibly the noblest of civic virtues. The ability to mind your own business, to let others do their thing, and to concentrate your efforts on your own life, are the discerning characteristics of a well-adjusted and competent human being.

When contemporary critics look about, they are terrified to witness the 2002 student living his life privately, concentrating on his studies and more worried out the job that lies ahead than about the "political" shenanigans that so absorb the daily highschool life. What is so apathetic - in a broader sense of the word - about caring for your own life and respecting the other fellow to run his? Is this the "apathy" that shocks and bedevils the "activists" of our age?

Indeed it is. For the prevailing sentiments of "enlightened Americana" operate on entirely different premises than the rational predilections of honest and civilized men. Those premises build from the frightening cliche: "We are our brother's keeper. Getting "involved" does not simply entail involvement per se: What the vogue definition reflects specifically is involvement in the affairs of others - of the school, community, society. The hip activism is little more than an excuse for running the lives of others.

The concept of people being content to attend to their own self-interests has predictably little appeal to the "activist" mentality. Private people, pursuing personal goals and enjoyments, offer a staunch defense against the pervasive moralizing of the meddling intruders. The approach of the latter is entirely paternalistic and operates under the assumption that since we are our brother's keeper, there must be somebody who cares enough to do the keeping. Somehow, that entity is always the school, which makes it a difficult family relationship to break off.

Undoubtedly, Henry David Thoreau was on the right path when he said: "If I knew for a certainty that a man was coming to my house with the conscious design of doing me good, I should run for my life." Your life is your own, yours to succeed or to fail with, yours to live as you decide. Your obligation is to yourself: to the only person whose life does in fact depend on you. It will, in reality, be your actions that make your life what it is. Why feel guilty about making the best you can of your own efforts - and why not allow others the same chance? Let "Mind Your Own Business" be the popular slogan of free men in a free land.

Do not take lightly the social noninvolvement of today's highschool students. They are busy - with their own business. If that business should be foreign to your own aspirations, appreciate the diversity among individuals and welcome the opportunity to express it. And above all else, keep a healthy distance from the champion of mindless social involvement. In all probability, there is a sound reason behind his decision to forget his own life and to attempt to rule everyone else's.

2002-11-04T23:48:00.000-06:00

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Eminem - Lose Yourself ( A great song)

Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity
To seize everything you ever wanted

One moment
Would you capture it or just let it slip?

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There'ss vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready
To drop bombs, but he keeps on forgettin
What he wrote down, the whole crowd goes so loud
He opens his mouth, but the words won't come out
He's chokin, how everybody's jokin now
The clocks run out, times up over, bloah!
Snap back to reality, Oh there goes gravity
Oh, there goes Rabbit, he choked
Hes so mad, but he wont give up that
Is he? No
He wont have it , he knows his whole back citys ropes
It dont matter, hes dope
He knows that, but hes broke
Hes so stacked that he knows
When he goes back to his mobile home, thats when its
Back to the lab again yo
This whole rap shit
He better go capture this moment and hope it dont pass him

HOOK:

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

The souls escaping, through this hole that its gaping
This world is mine for the taking
Make me king, as we move toward a, new world order
A normal life is borin, but superstardoms close to post mortar
It only grows harder, only grows hotter
He blows us all over these hoes is all on him
Coast to coast shows, hes know as the globetrotter
Lonely roads, God only knows
Hes grown farther from home, hes no father
He goes home and barely knows his own daughter
But hold your nose cuz here goes the cold water

His bosses dont want him no mo, hes cold product

They moved on to the next schmoe who flows
He nose dove and sold nada
So the soap opera is told and unfolds
I suppose its old potna, but the beat goes on
Da da dum da dum da da

HOOK

No more games, Ima change what you call rage
Tear this mothafuckin roof off like 2 dogs caged
I was playin in the beginnin, the mood all changed
I been chewed up and spit out and booed off stage
But I kept rhymin and stepwritin the next cypher
Best believe somebodys payin the pied piper
All the pain inside amplified by the fact
That I cant get by with my 9 to 5
And I cant provide the right type of life for my family
Cuz man, these goddam food stamps dont buy diapers
And its no movie, theres no Mekhi Phifer, this is my life
And these times are so hard and it's getting even harder
Tryin to feed and water my seed, plus
See dishonor caught up bein a father and a prima donna
Baby mama drama screamin on and
Too much for me to wanna
Stay in one spot, another jam or not
Has gotten me to the point, I'm like a snail
I've got to formulate a plot fore I end up in jail or shot
Success is my only mothafuckin option, failures not
Mom, I love you, but this trail has got to go
I cannot grow old in Salems lot
So here I go is my shot.
Feet fail me not cuz maybe the only opportunity that I got

HOOK

You can do anything you set your mind to, man

2002-11-04T23:43:00.000-06:00

Welcome! If you don't know already, I am Joshua Patten. This is my new blog! I felt it was time to finally bestow upon the world my infinite wisdom and knowledge. I also thought this would be a good place to share my daily trials and tribulations that I experience in surburbutopia. For those of you who don't know I was ordained a Reverand in the Universal Church of Life, exciting isn't it. I enjoy many things such as Surburbia surfing, cowbowy wrestling, and much more. I hope you will come back and find out how the Josh Patten story unfolds through the days.